Let me show you how it’s done, say I and A.
You leave out one word from you AI request and…
Q: How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in a Facebook post?
• 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.
• 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
• 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
• 17 purists who use candles and are offended by light bulb discussions.
• 6 to argue over whether it’s ‘lightbulb’ or ‘light bulb’.
• Another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid.
• 22 to tell THOSE 6 to stop being jerks.
• 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is ‘lamp’.
• 15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that ‘light bulb’ is perfectly correct.
• 49 to post memes and gifs (several are of someone eating popcorn with the words added, “I’m just here for the comments.”)
• 19 to post that this page is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb page.
• 11 to defend the posting to this page saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant here.
• 12 to post G.
• 8 to ask what G means.
• 16 to post ‘Following’ but there’s 3 dots at the top right that means you don’t have to comment to follow.
• 36 People to post pics of their own light bulbs.
• 15 People to post “I can’t see S$%^!” and use their own light bulbs.
• 2 to say “Quit wasting taxpayers money playing on FB and do your job!” even though posting on FB is exactly the job.
• 6 to report the post or PM an admin because someone said “f÷×$”
• 4 to say “Didn’t we go through this already a short time ago?”.
• 13 to say “Do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs”.
• 1 to bring politics into the discussion by adding that (insert politician of choice) isn’t the brightest bulb. This usually takes place within the first three comments.
• 50 more to get into personal attacks over their political views.
• 1 late arrival to comment on the original post 6 months later and start it all over again.
Things haven’t changed since the Usenet days despite lightbulbs now being LEDs.
Interviewer: Well, Grandpa, you’ve been married for 60 years. What advice can you give us?
Grandpa: Well, it’s like this:
On the first day, she’s right.
On the second day, she’s right again.
And on the third day, I’m wrong.
A Scotsman Walks Into A Bar While On Holiday In Canada
And he says to the barman ‘What is that thing there that you’ve got hanging from the wall?’
And the Canadian behind the bar says ‘That right there sir, is our prized possession, it’s a moose that was killed just over there in my very own back yard.’
The Scotsman slams his beer down on the table in shock and says ‘My God! If that’s a moose then I would love to see the size of your cats.’
My Microwave Is a Time Lord
Set it for one minute, stare at the last nine seconds, and you’ll have long enough to rethink your life choices, draft a novel, and question the nature of existence—all before it finally beeps.
How Hot Is It?
Well, yesterday I saw a bird blow on a worm before he ate it!
On a scale of 1 to 10, how poor are you?
…I don’t even have a scale.
How hot is it?
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot even white collar workers are red necks.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot…
I saw a raccoon boiling a robin in a birdbath.
I saw a dog chasing a cat, and they were both on fire.
In Spanish…
The word for ‘non-binary’ is no binario or no binaria… depending on the person’s gender.
It’s so hot, the priests are defrocking themselves!
How are the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense similar?
Icy dead people.
God created the heavens and the earth, then said let there be light!
Then Keith Richard’s yelled, “Turn it off! I’m trying to sleep!”
You can’t trust tennis players.
Love means nothing to them.
Where does the Devil buy his steaks?
In the deli of the Beast.
I received a letter of apology that was nothing but a few lines of dots and dashes.
Turns out, it was in remorse code.
A Pharoah asks his three priests to build him a tomb.
Each priest consults three stonemasons.
Each stonemason hires three overseers.
Each overseer enlists three laborers.
Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me…
Why do the French eat such small omelets?
Because to them, one egg is un oeuf.
Just found the absolute worst page in the dictionary
What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.
Parliament vote on Picasso painting:
Eyes to the left: 2
Nose to the right: 1
My rock collection isn’t worth much…
But it has sedimental value.
My neighbor grew tired of being a taxidermist after 15 years, and went to veterinarian school.
His new business never got off the ground so he decided to operate both his taxidermy and vet business together to save money. His new slogan was: “No Matter What Happens - You Get Your Cat Back.”
TIL; JFK bought a lifetime supply of Cuban cigars before he enacted the embargo.
The box of cigars lasted LBJ one week.
And would have lasted Bill Clinton one night
Many years ago, someone who had apparently been living in a cave on Mars for a while asked me what the significance of cigars were in the Clinton-Lewinsky incidents.
My response was “According to Freud, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but not this time.”
I Googled “how to light a cigar” and got about a thousand matches.
How did an ancient Mesopotamian write reports?
He sumerized.
Wimbledon has announced plans to honour Sir Andy Murray with a statue close to Centre Court.
The sculpture will show the both sides of the two-time champion: Glorious and British in victory…
And Scottish in defeat.
How Many Marxists Does it Take to Screw in a Light Bulb?
None, the light bulb contains within itself the seeds of its own revolution.
Have you heard about the deaf gynecologist?
He just reads lips.
One day, a lady was weeping and walked into a church, and straight into the confession booth.
Lady: Huh… huh…Priest, my husband is dead…
Priest: Lady, I understand, I am very sorry for your loss.
Lady: Huh…huh…
Priest: Did he leave a word for you?
Lady: Yes… huh…
Priest: What did he said to you?
Lady: He said “Please don’t shoot me.”
A Jewish Mother and her 4-year-old were walking along the beach when suddenly a gigantic wave rolled upon the shore, sweeping the little girl out to sea.
“Oh, God,” lamented the mother, her face toward heaven. “This is my only baby. She’s the love; the joy of my life. I’ve cherished every moment with her. Please God! Bring her back to me and I’ll go to synagogue every day!”
Suddenly, another gigantic wave rolled upon the beach and deposited the little girl back on the sand, safe and sound.
The mother looked up and said, "She was wearing a hat …”
+++++
A woman phones the local newspaper: “I’d like to insert an obituary for my late husband.”
Newspaper worker: “It costs $5 per word.”
The woman pauses, then: “Just say, Sol died.”
Worker: “There is a five word minimum.”
The woman pauses again: “Sol died, Volvo for sale.”
+++++
Two men went out for a walk, when suddenly it began to rain.
“Quick,” said one. “Open your umbrella.”
“It won’t help,” said his friend. “My umbrella is full of holes.”
“Then why did you bring it?”
“I didn’t think it would rain!”
I thought he finished the last one on the way to Dallas.
Tiger Woods told about how when he first started out, the news stories all said “Black golfer entering the PGA tour”. Then when he started winning, it was “Multiracial golfer”. After a few championships, it was “Woods, who is one quarter black”. But that if he ever found himself in a scandal, it would go straight back to “Black golfer arrested”.