On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a
wall.. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know
that he meant business.
He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400
a week. Why?”
The CEO said, “Wait right here.” He walked back to his office, came
back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said,
“Here’s four weeks’ pay.
Now GET OUT and don’t come back..”
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and
asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”
From across the room a voice said, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”
When asked whether the high temperatures and the brightness of the Sun would be a problem, a spokesman replied “Not a problem - we will only operate the probe at night”.
The National Parks service advises hikers to carry pepper spray and to wear bells, to ward off bear attacks. They also advise hikers on how to tell the difference between black bear scat and brown bear scat. The brown bear scat contains bells and smells like pepper.
If you’re unsure of what kind of bear is chasing you, climb a tree. If it climbs up after you, it’s a black bear. If it knocks the tree down, it’s a brown bear.
Caveman and a bear walk into a bar. Bartender says “what’s your story?” Caveman says…
Bear with me…
A guy goes into a restaurant wearing a shirt open at the collar.
He is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn’t have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk.
In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant.
The bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, “Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don’t start anything.”
A man orders an Uber. On the way to his destination, he notices, while going through an intersection, the Uber driver has gone straight instead of making a left turn as he should have.
Since the radio is playing, he leans forward and taps the Uber driver on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screams and slams on the brakes. “You scared the hell out of me!” he says, visibly agitated.
The driver says “sorry, but why did a simple tap on the shoulder startle you so badly?”
“Well, this is my first day as an Uber driver. Before this I drove a hearse for 20 years.”
