Same here. It is also a town (region?) in Stephen King’s Dark Tower series, but that doesn’t make the joke work either.
Ah. I saw the movie when it came out in 1990. Too long ago to remember any details; just the main idea.
From 1 Kings, chapter 18. Elijah is having a challenge with the priests of Baal. He has the sacrifice drowned in water to make it ridiculously hard to be set on fire. God does it anyway.
Which Roman emperor stopped aging before he turned 20?
Constantine.
It’s also been a TV series since 2017 for like 6 seasons! Sorry, I thought that was pretty widespread.
I’ve heard there’s a TV series. Never watched it. (Also, I’ve never read the book.)
Man sits by me on the train.
Man: Loads of psychopaths around here.
Me: Really?
Man: Loads mate.
Me: How’d you know?
Man: There’s signs aren’t there?
Me: I guess?
Man: I love 'em.
(47 minutes of awkward silence)
Man leaves train. He has a bike. I realize he’s been saying ‘cycle paths’ all along.
From my childhood -
Mary Had a Little Lamb
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now Mary takes that lamb to school
Between two hunks of bread.
Mary Had a Little Lamb
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I’ve often seen her little lamb
But I’ve never seen her bear.
Mary Had a Little Sheep
Mary had a little sheep
And with the sheep she went to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
Mary had a little lamb.
Do you know how hickory dickory mice win ball games?
They run down the clock.
Why did the old woman live in the shoe?
She couldn’t afford the property taxes on the boot.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Why did the scarecrow go on a diet?
He was feeling over-stuffed.
My wife won’t drink coffee.
I think she’s missing a latte fun.
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get her poor daughter a dress.
When she got there, the cupboard was bare
And so was her daughter, I guess.
Me: I know God’s name.
My wife: No way!
Me: Yahweh!
I read a joke like that the other day (probably on the Dope) that I like:
“Canada has 9 months of winter and 3 months of bad ice skating”
My wife used to punch me in the face every time she orgasmed.
I didn’t mind much, until I found out she was faking them.
Mary had a little lamb
It got stuck up a pylon
10000 volts went up its tail
and turned the wool to nylon.
That feels like it could also go in the thread about the joke from Johnny Carson.
There’s a theory that the soil under the sacrifice was high in magnesium (either natural or artificially boosted prior to the demonstration) and pouring the water actually caused the fire to occur. So Elijah was also a chemist?
That’s completely implausible. You can’t get elemental magnesium near the surface of the Earth, for precisely that reason. Even in the Middle East, it rains occasionally.
The theory I’ve heard is that it wasn’t water Elijah was pouring on, but something flammable (alcohol or, I dunno what the options were back then).
### I had a small clock implanted in my brain.
I’ve been having second thoughts ever since.
____
The list for supplies from my kid’s school is really getting out of hand.
This years we’re supposed to send four tires for the bus.
___
‘Twas in a restaurant that they met:
Romeo and Juliet.
He had no cash to pay the debt,
So Romeo’d what Juliet.
____
What kind of sauce does Eminem get at Taco Bell?
8 Mild.
____
In Memoriam, Tom Lehrer (who put all his lyrics in the Public Domain a number of years ago):
When you attend a funeral
It is sad to think that sooner or l-
-ater those you love will do the same for you
And you may have thought it tragic
(Not to mention other adjec-
-tives) to think of all the weeping they will do
But don’t you worry
No more ashes, no more sackcloth
And an armband made of black cloth
Will some day nevermore adorn a sleeve
For if the bomb that drops on you
Gets your friends and neighbors too
There’ll be nobody left behind to grieve
And we will all go together when we go
What a comforting fact that is to know
Universal bereavement -
An inspiring achievement!
Yes, we all will go together when we go
We will all go together when we go
All suffused with an incandescent glow
No one will have the endurance
To collect on his insurance
Lloyd’s of London will be loaded when they go
Oh, we will all fry together when we fry
We’ll be French-fried potatoes by-and-by
There will be no more misery
When the world is our rotisserie
Yes, we all will fry together when we fry
Down by the old maelstrom
There’ll be a storm before the calm
And we will all bake together when we bake
There’ll be nobody present at the wake
With complete participation
In that grand incineration
Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak
Oh, we will all char together when we char
And let there be no moaning of the bar
Just sing out a Te Deum
When you see that ICBM
And the party will be come-as-you-are
Oh, we will all burn together when we burn
There’ll be no need to stand and wait your turn
When it’s time for the fallout
And Saint Peter calls us all out
We’ll just drop our agendas and adjourn
You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas
Go directly, do not pass ‘GO’, do not collect two hundred dollars
And we will all go together when we go
Every Hottentot and every Eskimo
When the air becomes uraneous
We will all go simultaneous
Yes, we all will go together
When we all go together
Yes, we all will go together when we go