Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian.
It was the least I could do for him.
Have you ever tried archery blindfolded?
You don’t know what you’re missing.
Corduroy pillows are constantly in the news.
They always make headlines.
I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 in Roman numerals.
I M LIVID.
My favorite coat is falling apart so I might just throw it out…
Or sew its seams.
It was said that Lucas electrical systems in British cars ran on smoke. If the smoke leaks out, the circuit stops working.
Scientist are scrambling trying to find the caws, but the research is murder.
But that’s a story for another time.
I can’t wait to see his face light up.
…your body takes a screenshot?
So he opened a small clinic and put up a bold sign that read:
“Cure for any disease for $20 — If you’re not cured, get $100 back!”
One day, a clever American lawyer saw the sign. “This looks like a scam,” he thought, “but maybe I can make a quick $100!” He walked in, feeling confident.
Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my sense of taste.”
Doctor: “Nurse, Box 22 — three drops in his mouth.”
Lawyer: “Ugh! That’s kerosene!”
Doctor: “Perfect! Your taste is back. That’ll be $20.”
A few days later, the lawyer came back.
Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.”
Doctor: “Nurse, Box 22 — three drops.”
Lawyer: “Wait! That’s kerosene again!”
Doctor: “Wonderful! Your memory is restored. That’s $20.”
Still determined, the lawyer tried one last time.
Lawyer: “Doctor, my eyesight is failing. I can’t see a thing!”
Doctor: “Ah, sorry — no cure for that. Here’s your $100.”
The doctor handed him… $20.
Lawyer (squinting): “Hey, wait a minute — this is only $20!”
Doctor: “Fantastic! Your eyesight is back. That’ll be $20.”
Some scientists got injured trying to cross a crab and a cheetah. Things went sideway pretty quickly with their experiment.
Maybe it’s just a symptom of Corvid.
My father is an avid fan of older British sports cars, and has had MGs, a Triumph, and now a Jaguar. I bought him a jar of Lucas OEM Replacement Smoke about 10 years ago.
He chuckled, but I don’t think he thought it was nearly as funny as I did….
Ha!!!
Why don’t the British make computers?
They can’t figure out how to make them leak oil.
“Hey man, you wanna eat 6 hardboiled eggs in a row?”
“Nah, I’m good.”
“We’ll mix the yolks with mayo and mustard and put them back into the boiled egg whites; then cover them with paprika.”
“You son-of-a-bitch, I’m in.”
Kirk: Spock, want to hear my Superman impression, “Up, up, and away!”
Spock: That’s Superman.
Kirk: Thanks, I’ve been practicing it a lot.
Your veterinarian won’t tell you this, but if your dog is running a fever, go to the store and buy some mustard.
It’s the best thing for a hot dog.
Six cows were smoking dope and playing poker. That’s right; the steaks were high.
Now that I’m older, I realize “Grumpy Old Men” isn’t a movie, it’s a training video.
Yesterday, I left work pretending to be sick. Today, two colleagues didn’t show up, saying they caught it from me!
Damn Liars!
Soy to the World.
They’re always dropping their needles.
Water.
Crisp Pringles.
A Holly Davidson.
Shouldn’t that first bit be Batman or Spider-Man or something?
Pro tip: use Old Bay or Cajun seasoning in place of paprika to really devil up them eggs.
Sorry, no follow-up joke here, but if I can help even one person level up their deviled egg game, I will have done my good deed for the day.
Spock, “That’s Superman.”
Read as, That’s super man. A complement as Kirk heard it.
I think what he’s saying is:
Kirk: Spock, want to hear my Spiderman impression, “Up, up, and away!”
Spock: That’s Superman. (he’s correcting not commenting)
Kirk: Thanks, I’ve been practicing it a lot.
Nope, Spock is saying ‘Superman’, Kirk is hearing 'super man. As in, ’ that’s really fine /neat/ super/ cool man.
I think we’ve killed this joke🤣
My point is: why would Spock say that?
If he gets told it’s a Batman impression, and then he corrects the impressionist, and then he gets misinterpreted by the impressionist — yeah, that I follow. But if he gets told it’s an impression of Superman, there’s no reason for him to parrot that info back to the guy.
Read @Cheesesteak 's explanation in the previous post a little more closely. The joke only works if Kirk says anybody BUT Superman in the first line. No judgement, just trying to help-- if told correctly, it’s a solid dad joke.
Nah. Kirk is an idiot and believes he’s actually quoting Spiderman. Spock is trying to correct him but Kirk continues, obliviously thinking Spock is complimenting him; not correcting him.
SDMB, nits, minutiae, pedantry is our mission. And that’s taking even longer than we thought.
Did you think you had typed ‘Spiderman’ in the first line of your original joke?