Dang, I thought I invented Earp/Urp.
mmm
I like to cook, but every time I cook for my wife she complains that my food gives her terrible headaches.
I tried making dishes using corn, rice, barley, wheat, oats and rye, but it made no difference. She ended up with a bad headache each time.
Turns out she was suffering from migraines.
The devil is taking his daily tour of the new arrivals to hell, enjoying the suffering and torment they are newly experiencing in the flames of hell, and their horrified realization of just how bad it will be for all eternity.
Then he comes upon a couple of Michiganders from the lower peninsula who are talking and laughing, having a fine old time. The devil says “how can you guys be so happy?” They answer “hey, after a lifetime of Michigan winters, this heat feels like a tropical vacation!”
So the devil angrily stomps back to hell’s control room, where he cranks the heat up even more. As he goes back to see how the Michiganders are taking it, he walks past multitudes wailing, gnashing their teeth, and begging him to turn down the heat just a little bit.
But when the devil gets back to the Michiganders, he sees they have fired up a barbecue grill and are tossing around a football, not even breaking a sweat,
The devil realizes he’s got it all wrong, so he goes back and this time turns the thermostat waaaay down until it’s bitterly, Arctic cold. He goes back to the Michiganders, but this time they’re jumping up and down, high-fiving and cheering. He says “what in damnation are you guys so happy about now???”
“Hell froze over— the Lions must have won the Super Bowl!”
Ever year after Thanksgiving, I give up all my bad habits.
I can do it, because I have lots of cold turkey.
What did the hipster say the day after Thanksgiving?
I liked the leftovers before they were cool.
Where do Klingons store their leftovers?
Zip’loc!
Stephen was grateful when Istvhan looked over at his plate and said, “What in the name of the little household gods is that?”
“An abomination,” said Stephen. “I believe the cook called it gravy.”
“Gravy is not that color.”
“I did not say the cook was correct.”
“Can we burn them at the stake?”
“We’re not those kind of paladins. Anyway, it tastes okay if you close your eyes and pretend you’re eating literally anything else.”
Istvhan groaned and went to endure trial-by-gravy himself.
from Paladin’s Grace by T. Kingfisher.