“Alas,” cried Gandalf, “that is the very thing I feared the most since entering into Moria.”
The demon advanced, its bells chiming discordantly.
“That’s the jingle bell,” muttered Gandalf.
Another step.
“That’s the jingle bell.”
Another step.
“That’s the jingle Balrog!”
At least it didn’t have “Villanova” carved in cruel runes on its chest.
This morning, I coughed up a pawn, a bishop, and a rook. I must have a chess infection.
It was a rough knight.
Was that a “Bored of the Rings” reference? With the Ballhog?
If so, well done!
dribble dribble dribble shoot
I think I had the same virus, but I was just a little horse.
The ‘good ole days’!
A sad candy cane.
“But wait, there’s myrrh!!”
Crisp Cringle.
He grew three sizes that day.
He went down in History.
That made me remember a similar joke:
What’s black and white and blue all over?
A sad zebra. Or skunk.
What’s black and white and red all over, and has trouble going through a revolving door?
A nun. With a spear through her head.
Christmas Dad Joke!!!
I started using this background in my Teams meetings today. I liked the challenge of staying centered on the chair, but I noticed that when I leaned back I looked tiny compared to the chair and huge when I leaned forward. So, after pointing this out to my coworkers …
(leaning back) We didn’t think much of Greg when we first met him …
(leaning forward) … but then he grew on us!
A general groaning ensued.
Santa has started doing fast food deliveries as a sideline. He calls it DeerDash.
Because he always accepts cookies.
“Dear God, please help me with my dyslexia, Mom and Dad had to help me with my list to santa. I almost asked Satan for my first bar. I was so embarrassed. Also, please be with those poorer and less fortunate than us. Amen”
And God said to the little girl, “Woof!”
It didn’t take long before he got violent, abusive, screaming and thrashing around, smearing feces on the walls…
I’ll never play Monopoly with him again.
The reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.
Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar on Christmas Eve.
Bernie Sanders says “Hello, can I have a drink?” and gets a drink.
Donald Trump walks up to the bartender and says “Merry Christmas, can I have a drink? By the way, bartender, you are extremely ugly. I f***ing hate you. You’re also bald. I hope that you die soon. When I become president I will make sure to deport ugly and bald people like you.”
The entire bar looks in shock. A news reporter, there at that time, says to a patron of the bar, who originated from the South, “What do you think of this?”.
The patron replies “Absolutely f***ing disgusting - Bernie Sanders didn’t say Merry Christmas!”
Seems the pyramids are much older than we thought.
If they closed both eyes they couldn’t see.
It’s pitiful.
Me: What’s that?
Son: A big building with lots of kids.
“Hello, my name is Idaho Montoya. You peeled my father. Prepare to fry.”
Unbelievable!
Your jokes usually have me Yukon it up, but this one was kind of half-baked.
I guess i made a hash of it.
(puts on holocaust cloak)
I YAM THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS. THERE WILL BE NO SURVIVORS.
