how can you tell a man is henpecked?
when he’s at the altar, he says “I do, don’t I dear?”
I’m not familiar with owl books. Children’s stories? And why a half of a book?
The preacher asked her, and she said, “I do”
The preacher asked me, and she said, “He does too”
The preacher said, "I pronounce you 99 to life
Son, she’s no lady, she’s your wife
-“She’s No Lady”, by Lyle Lovett
It’s a reference to a specific series. Harry Potter. Harry has a pet owl named Hedwig, that he gets near the start of the first book. She dies in the seventh book.
Thanks. Though I’ve read the books, I didn’t get that the joke was referencing them.
As I said: hellbeasts. Even the cute widdle octopuseses.
OK, it’s a cuttlefish. But anyway…
I asked my buddy if he would pass me a pamphlet.
He said “brochure”.
Apologies to Frank Sinatra:
Changes in the night
With seven children there’ll be
Changes in the night.
Alexander Graham Bell, “I have invented the telephone!”
His brother, Taco, “I’m working on something big too!”
My problem is that I heavily rely on the idea of an apocalypse for my long-term planning.
Sounds improbable, but the same thing happened to me.
Could the turtle be a trained courier? The mind wonders.
“This isn’t my stuff! A friend asked me to shift it.”
Ever since I was a young child, I’ve wanted to be indoors on a computer.
Best friend, " What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?"
Me, “Awfully cheeky of you to assume I’ve peaked.”
Trying to make friends as a adult is difficult.
The people I would probably get along with don’t want to leave their house either.
I had my appendix removed. Now the other organs know I’m not messing around.
Northrop Grumman may overfly the America 250 Parade with the new B-21 stealth bomber.
This may finally put the age-old question to bed: “What if there were a B21 flyover and no one was around to see it?”
two men are camping out when they hear a bear
one guy starts putting on his sneakers
other guy says “what are you doing, you can’t outrun a bear”
“I don’t have to outrun the bear, just you”
I can just imagine that conversation:
Aide to trump: Look up, sir-- here come the B21 stealth bombers.
trump: Waitaminute, how come I can see them? We paid a lot of money for those damn things, and they don’t work? Hegseth is so fired!
Aide: Uhhh…they turned off the invisibility switch for the parade, sir.
trump: Oh, that’s a relief to hear.
Two friends came back from bear hunting. When I asked them “Where’s the bear?” One replied "Well, we saw a sign that read “Bear left”, so we came back.
I don’t get this one …
ETA: clicked the link to x. Now I get it.