Helpful guide: I saw some bear tracks just north of here.
Nervous hunter: Really? Which way is south?
Why is hot friendlier than cold?
Because heat waves but cold snaps.
As the photographer snapped pictures, I posed provocatively and gave my most sultry looks to the camera, even grabbing my crotch for effect! I felt wild and sensual and free…
I went over to the computer to see the results, as I was keen to see if they had captured the essence of my being.
“I guess so.” growled the officer. “Now let’s go stand for the police lineup and then we’ll be done here.”
Why do you never use a cannon in hot weather?
It shoots itself at 90 degrees
If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would you choose?
“Gandhi.”
Why him?
“More food for me.”
I want to watch Hamlet on a streaming platform. Does anyone know which one it’s on?
Is it Tubi or not Tubi?
We were in Japan last year, when there had been many bear attacks. There’s a local mythology that the sound of bells alerts them so they don’t get surprised and so don’t attack. Everyone except us on the trail were festooned with bells, which rather destroyed the atmosphere in the forests.
I was skeptical of how effective they really were so I looked it up. One thread said:
- you can tell if bears are around by checking the trail ahead of you for bear scat
- how do you tell if it’s bear scat?
- if it has bells in it, it’s bear scat !
The version I heard was, wear small bells and carry pepper spray to protect against bear attacks.
Also, keep an eye out for bear scat. It will have small bells in it, and smell like pepper.
If you could have dinner with any historical figure, living or dead, who would you choose?
Why, a living one, of course!
so a Pope and a lawyer die at same time; the Pope gets a small basic room, but the lawyer gets a lavish suite, so then the Pope goes up to St Peter and says:
“Hey, I’m a Pope and look at my room but the lawyer gets special treatment! What’s up with that?”
So St Peter says, “We’ve got hundreds of Popes, but this is the first lawyer we’ve ever had!”
FYI
My vision’s going, BUT I have an appt. at the Cataract place on the 10th. After that I’ll be able to see better.
So, I am not gonna be posting for the next week or so.
Stay Demented!
Good luck with that, hope it goes well..
(This has probably already been posted, but it’s appropriate)
“My wife and I are getting new glasses tomorrow.”
“And after that?”
“Well, after that, we’ll see.”
Best of luck, @Prof.Pepperwinkle ! Keep us updated.
From a fellow cataract sufferer,
mmm
We’ll, “be seeing you, prof” but not in the John Wick sense.
And the rest of us clowns need to pick up the pace!
Happy Bobby Bonilla Day, 1 July. He gets $1.19 million from the Mets who he hasn’t played for since 1999. He’s 63 too.
Not a joke but … it is the Mets.
And they agreed to that ridiculous deal with him because they expected to profit big from Bernie Maddoff.
I was going to share a joke about pizza. But, it is too cheesy.
You know how the hipster burned the roof of his mouth?
He was eating pizza before it was cool.
They did a drug test on the couple that climbed the Empire State Building spire- it turns out they were high.
This sense?
Professor: The homework is due Monday.
Student: Can I get an extension?
Professor: Sure. The homework is due Monday.png.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked the professor, “What happened before the Big Bang?”
He replied, “Sorry, there is no time.”
I think my professor is a big fan of “Lord of the Rings”. Whenever I ask him about my grades, he says, “You shall not pass.”
A professor in Africa is teaching his students how to form sentences in English
“Attention, class, can anyone use the words “dandelion” and “cheetah” in a sentence?”
One student raises his hand and says, “the cheetah is faster dandelion.”
You can travel to Egypt while blind? Wow!
That would be telling.
There’s a long thread for info and advice - in case you haven’t seen it. Good luck!
I’ve had them done, so did my dad. It’s really quite easy. Went from the surgery to Red Robin for a burger. Of course my wife drove me.
Now my eyes are very sharp. Best part of me really. My wife and I play a lot of darts. I can see if she hits a triple or not from 15 feet (shadows from the flights sometimes makes it hard). I think my wife is gonna be next for the cataract surgery.