I was asked to for my age at the liquor store. I fumbled my wallet and a Blockbuster Video membership card fell out. The clerk said, “Never mind”.
Co-worker, “Can I ask a stupid question?”
Me, “Better than anyone I know.”
Washing clothes is fine.
Drying clothes is fine.
The basket sitting in the corner while I live out of it for two weeks like a feral raccoon is where the entire system breaks down.
Yay ! Prof’s back ! Hope the eye thing went well !
I laughed out loud at that one. (And shared it. 
)
Welcome back, Prof.!
Yeah, what with insurance pains, I won’t actually have my procedure until mid-August, but I can’t stay away that long.
Please excuse typoos.
Fellow Americans, want to hear a Belgian joke?
I have 1-4 you.
Gianni Infantino picks up the phone. The caller says, ‘I just need you to find me four more goals.’
Not just Rock, but Rock and Roll, amirite?
Glad you’re back, Prof!
Next up, “Like a Rolling Stone”, followed by “Let Me Roll It” and “Running Up That Hill”.
..then “Never Ending Story”.
With ‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’ somewhere in the mix, as well?
It looks like a hit-and-myth selection.
I have a subscription to the serial, “Understanding Women for Dummies”.
Me: “I’m going to start eating healthy.”
Lettuce: “I’m going to give you explosive diarrhea.”
Oreos in the pantry: “I would never do that to you.”
With all the wildfire smoke going on, I think we’d all be a lot happier if Canada was covered in marijuana fields.
“Are you drinking again?”
“It’s just tea.”
“Really? What kind?”
“Tea-quila.”
There’s plenty to choose from.
Then the grandmommy of them all.
“My Man Rocks Me (with One Steady Roll)”
I think we’ve struck a vein here.
Or, to choose another Stones song, ‘You Can’t Always Get What You Want’.
Except, in the case of Sisyphus, it’d be ‘You Can’t Ever Get What You Want’.
To roll on to another joke topic:
What’s the difference between President trump and a flying pig?
The letter ‘F’.
That’s more Tantalus’s theme. Although he can’t get what he needs either.
What’s the difference between bagpipes and a trampoline?
You should always take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.