Fantastic !
Just one more example of the elderly being invisible to youngsters…
Some/many of you may remember Dan Quisenberry (RIP) relief pitcher for the KC Royals. I found these quotes of his.
Reggie Jackson hit one off me that’s still burrowing its way to Los Angeles.
The future is much like the present, only longer.
I became a better pitcher when I found a delivery in my flaw.
Why did Van Gogh fail art school?
He was a poor student. Everything his instructors tried to tell him just went in one ear. . .
What is a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone without dressing.
Here’s one I just thought of today while wondering what to have for lunch:
Two coworkers are talking…
Coworker 1: I got some pretty bad indigestion after eating lunch at that Middle Eastern restaurant next door.
Coworker 2: Falafel?
Coworker 1: Well, I sure don’t feel great!
The sailor went on sick call because his foot was hurting. The corpsman gave him a large pill (used to be called a horse pill) but had to leave on the run for an emergency patient. So the sailor hobbled over to the water fountain and managed to choke the pill down. Then the corpsman came back carrying a bucket and said “OK - Drop that pill into this bucket and let’s soak that foot.”
Someone has named all the lunches in the work refrigerator. Today I had a ham sandwich named Jennifer.
mmm
I asked the waitress for a quickie, and she slapped me.
The old lady next to me said, ‘It’s pronounced “quiche”, dear.’
What’s the difference between a dog and a fox? About six beers.
What do you call two cunnilinguists named Bob? Oral Roberts
Some Titles/Authors:
Things That Itch by Mike Rotch
Kitty’s Revenge by Claude Balls
What’s for Dinner? by Biff Wellington
Hold it Together by Scott Schtape
A Trip to the Dentist by Lord Howard Hertz
The Bartender’s Manual by Phyllis Glass
This is sublime!
A father told his daughter, ‘Go to bed. The cows are sleeping in the field.’ The daughter says, ‘What’s that got to do with anything?’ The dad said, ‘It’s pasture bed time.’
The Trekkers will love this one:
Dammit, Jim! by Ima Doktor and Nada Brickleyer
The Yellow River, by I.P. Daily
50 Yards to the Outhouse by Willy Makeit, illustrated by Betty Wont
A Funny Thing Happened by Sir Eos Le-Though Folxe.
I was going to finalize my research as to why vaccines are bad today
But all of the research sites are down.
My girlfriend treats me like a god.
She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
I went to the bookstore …
I went to the bookstore and saw a book called;
How to solve 50% of your problems. ’
I bought two.
Ouch! That would hurt those ‘researchers’ if they understood it!
Does she serve you burnt offerings?
Sounds like my cats.
That made me collapse 