How do you count cows? 
With a cow-culator.
I spotted an albino Dalmatian. I figured I had to do something.
If “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing, what is the ideal BMI of fate?
What do chickens use to do math?
Cackle-ators.
Mathemachicken.
Here’s one I came up with on the spur of the moment when my wife and I were at an arts and crafts fair this past weekend. She had stopped at a booth selling fancy candles…
Me: What do you call a candle that won’t light?
Wife: (answering reluctantly, knowing a bad pun was coming) What?
Me: A can’tle
Bravo! That’s funnier than quite a few jokes in this thread (IMHO, of course).
Why, thank you! 
A local columnist asked for a term for those fake security cameras. I came up with Candidn’t Camera.
and briefer than some too
I didn’t mean to sound like a sourpuss about this thread overall. It’s been one of my favorite threads, for years.
Agreed. Thanks again to @Prof.Pepperwinkle for his labors.
mmm
This one brought up memories of a very old Luann comic strip panel that I had cut out and put on my wall in college.
IIRC, which I’m sure I don’t, Luann says “then he said that I’m letting my can’t side get bigger than my can” and her brother retorts “he’s not looking at you from the right angle”
Brevity is the soul of wit.
And lingerie.
Google says that letting one’s can’t side get bigger than one’s can is a Southern (U.S., I guess) idiom.
so true, jokes that take 2 pages to unspool is too long for me
Hmm, you know what I just realized?
I’ve never had an epiphany.
When I heard about Russell’s Paradox…
…I couldn’t contain myself!
In the movie ‘The Hunt for Red October’ …
the entire story is the sub-plot.
Everyone argues over writing dates 2 October or October 2, either way…
10/2 your own darn business.
I’d like to thank all the girls on Tinder for helping to make my October extra spooky…
All that ghosting really got me in the Halloween spirit.
How does the spoiled little rich girl change her lightbulb?
“Daddy, I need a new apartment.”
‘Lingerie. Remember lingerie?’
‘Nope. Too shaggy.’
