A fat-assed old white dude walks into a bar…
(Plus letters for discourse)
I saw a similar one yesterday.
How to cook crack and eat crabs.
Step 1: use commas.
And, if speaking, intonation:
What’s that in the road ahead.
What’s that in the road, a head?
That could be almost anybody. You should have added “wearing a Hawaiian shirt.”
True dat.
What is this thing called “love”?
What is this thing called, love?
Hey! I resemble that!
Will you come back?
Will, you come back!
Jeez, there’s more than one?
I never remember jokes, but I just read this one today. Lucky you guys.
In Massachusetts, booster shot is spelled borcester shot.
In England, booster shot is spelled borchestershire shot.
that’s spelt.
Chester come to school and said
“Durn! I growed another head!”
Teacher said “It’s time you knowed
The word is ‘grew’ instead of ‘growed’.”
Chester, by Shel Silverstein
Dammit! I’ve always had problems with foreign languages.
The members of an Indian tribe asked their chief about collecting wood for the oncoming winter. The chief agreed that it was a good time to start and so they went out and begin collecting firewood. Two weeks later, they came back to the chief and asked if they had gathered enough firewood for the winter.
The chief replied that he would check and went inside and called the local office of the weather bureau and asked for a forecast for the winter. The meteorologist replied, “It’s going to be a cold winter.”
So the chief told his people to keep gathering wood. Two weeks later, they asked if they had gathered enough firewood. Once again, the chief went inside and called the local office of the weather bureau and asked for a revised forecast for the winter. The meteorologist replied, “This is going to be a really cold winter.”
The chief relayed this information to the tribe and they kept collecting firewood. After another two weeks, they had gathered a large amount of firewood and so they went to the chief and asked if they had collected enough firewood now.
Once again, the chief called the weather bureau for a revised forecast. The meteorologist replied, “This is going to be the coldest winter we have ever seen.”
The chief was surprised at this and asked the meteorologist, “How do you know it’s going to be the coldest winter ever?”
The reply, “Because I have been watching the local Indians gather firewood for the last month and a half. In all my years with the weather bureau, I have never seen them gather so much firewood before.”
“Help your uncle Jack off that horse”
“Help your uncle jack-off that horse”
Fire at will.
Fire at Will.
A teacher is teaching new vocabulary to her students. “Today’s word is ‘urinate.’ Who can use it in a sentence?”
Dirty Johnny says, “Teach, urinate and if you had bigger tits you’d be a ten.”
I opened a thread.
China’s so good at censorship
They gave themselves 5 stars.
The anti-vax Olympic hockey team lose every game….
Apparently they never take any shots.
Fourth place in the Olympic luge?…
You win some, you luge some.
How to play “Happy Birthday” Like Beethoven, Chopin, Brahms, Bach and Mozart Piano by Nicole Pesce
That narrows it down by about 50%.