I pulled out my iPhone and said, “That’s nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!”
she’ll tell you that he was a nice, nice baby.
The Spanish Inquisition.
I wasn’t expecting that punchline.
Here’s a little kid joke for you.
What do cat’s eat for desert?
Mice cream
What’s a cat’s favorite Chinese dish?
Mousey Tongue
No, that should be…
A fat-assed old white dude rides his scooter into a Wal-Mart.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mew-sli.
It captured me even though i didn’t like it at first, but by the end i absolutely loved it
That’s a product I can stand behind.
Seriously, its been watching me for hours
Lectern. 
No one has done this one yet. Yeah, I know where I grew up it was a jump rope song:
Miss Lucy had a steam boat
The steamboat had a bell,
Miss Lucy went to heaven and the
Steamboat went to…
Hello operator
Please give me number nine
And if you disconnect me
I will chop off your…
Behind the 'fridgerator
There was a piece of glass
Miss Lucy sat upon it
And she cut her big fat…
Ask me no more questions
I’ll tell you no more lies
The boys are in the bathroom
Pulling down their…
Flies are in the meadow
The bees are in the park
Miss Lucy and her boyfriend
Are kissing in the…
Dark is like a movie
A movie’s like a show
A show is like a tv set
And that is all I know. 
you mean bathed breadth, do you?
This Fred is getting more pizza bye the owe-her!!!
(nevermind, I show myself out)
That could be almost anybody. You should have added “wearing a Hawaiian shirt.”
not all of us care about asian religions …
Will you come back?
Will, you come back!
Will you come, back?
As a music dork (well, also, just a regular plain ol’ dork) I’d like to sincerely thank you for that link.
She’s pretty good, isn’t she? Here’s a bonus.
She asked him for one reason she should stay. He begged her not to go and told her she was his inspiration.
She replied, “I’M your inspriation? Ha-ha-ha-HAAA!”
A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,
‘So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?’
‘I don’t think so. It’s a 16 hour drive, your mother isn’t as young as she used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.’
‘Don’t worry about it Daddy, I’ll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. A limousine will pick you up at your door.’
‘I don’t know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?’
‘Oh, Daddy’, replies the president-elect, ‘I’ll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom made by the best designer in Washington .’
‘Honey,’ Dad complains, ‘you know I can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.’
The President-to-be responds, ‘Don’t worry Daddy. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in Washington , I’ll ensure your meals are salt free Daddy, I really want you to come.’
So Dad reluctantly agrees, and on January 20, 2021, the first woman from Alabama is being sworn in as President of the United States . In the front row sit the new president’s Dad and Mom. Dad leans over to the Supreme Court Justice sitting next to him and whispers, ‘You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States .’
The Justice whispers back, ‘Yes I do.’
Daddy says proudly, ‘Her brother played football for the University of Alabama .’
Solid, liquid and gas.
But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair.
Happy Presidents Day!
“Man does not live by bread alone. He also requires peanut butter.”
(Dennis Miller once said this on SNL [it’s still funny].)
An evil game had taken hold here in New York. It’s called Owling. People go to the Bronx Zoo. Then they run around the owl cage naked until his head twists off.
Don’t tell Trump how she did that!