Chuck Norris, Zelensky, and God all walk into a bar.
The Bartender looks up, “Were were just about to start a new drinking game I’ve been working on. I call out a bragging point, and each one willing to meet it, chugs their drink. The last man standing due to matching every post and surviving every drink, gets the pot. Everyone else has to split the twice the cost of the drinks. Half covers the drinks, the other half is given that money again to the winner. Each person chooses their drinks ahead of time.”
They all agree this.
Chuck Norris looks at the bartender, “I’ll have a 2 oz. mix of spirits, hot sauce, and grenadine.”
God looks at the bartender and says, “I’ll have a tall glass of your finest wine.”
Zelensky looks the bartender and says, “I’ll have a gallon of Vodka.”
The bartender passes around their drinks (having to raid his cabinets for Zelensky), and then calls out the first brag, “Who’s the toughest guy here?”
All three chug their drinks, and slam double the money on the counter. All three look fine. Zelensky is even smirking after the whole gallon of Vodka. They all put their money on the counter.
The bartender calls out, “Who is the manliest guy here?”
All three chug their drinks, and slam double the money on the counter.
The bartender calls out, “Who can stare death straight in the eye and laugh?”
All three chug their drinks, and slam double the money on the counter. At this point, God is looking a little woozy.
The bartender calls out, “Who can stand next to those they care about, no matter what happens?”
Chuck Norris helps God back up after he slumped back down, blacking out, and after putting his own on the counter, shakes some of God’s collection plate money out of his pockets and puts it on the table for him.
The bartender calls out, “Every man, woman, and child would enjoy being able to simply bask in their presence.”
Chuck Norris puts down some cash, feeling both kinds of his burn at his drink, and looks over at Zelensky who looks completely unfazed, and his money in front of him.
The bartender calls out, “Who can actually back it up and it’s not just bravado?”
Chuck Norris chuckles, “Sorry, bravado’s my whole schtick, I’m out.”
Zelensky frowns, “I really thought you two would stick out longer than that. I was hoping to make bank.”
Chuck Norris shrugs, “Sorry, I’m just an actor. What are you going to do with the money? Buy a cool ride?”
Zelensky looks at Chuck, “I don’t need a ride, I need more ammo.”
The bartender looks at Zelensky, still in awe of the guy, “So… how can you drink six gallons of Vodka and not be fazed?”
Zelensky smiles, “Oh, I have an unexpected resistance to anything Russian.”
.)