ABC’s Wide World of Sports covered the World Sado-Masochist Championships – with the agony of victory and the thrill of defeat…
[only people of a cetain age will get this one]
Why did they kick Tarzan out of the golf game?
He screamed with every swing.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper.
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadrador
What do you find in the amphibian garage?
Newtonian mechanics.
An old joke from elementary school.
What day is a command?
March 4th.
(I always tell that joke on March 4th)
It was just stunned.
That’s how you end up with one nipple.
Officer: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.
Man: Wait I can explain everything!
If Ani is short for Anakin
and Obi is short for Obi-Wan, what is Luke short for?
A stormtrooper.
How many dead bodies does it take to change a light bulb?
I don’t know either, but it sure isn’t eight because my basement is still dark!
Let’s name our newborn daughter Ani and hope she never takes Latin.
Colourblind version. Hilarious in Grade 3.
Roses are red
Violets are brown
The sky is bright yellow
And so are the bluetits
Gelett Burgess wrote a poem everyone has heard called The Purple Cow.
I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one,
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I’d rather see than be one! °
I read a parody of it that went:
I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one,
But from the milk we’re getting now,
I’m certain there must be one!
° it’s in the public domain.
A few years later he wrote:
“Ah, yes, I wrote The Purple Cow,
I’m sorry now I wrote it,
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I’ll kill you if you quote it.”
What do you call Jesus at the gym?
Jehovah’s Fitness
Jesus said, “I am the way.” The people said, “No way!”
And Jesus said, “Yahweh.”
If Jesus really is the Lamb of God…
Then Mary really did have a little lamb!
And on Star Wars day…
May the Fourth be with you!
Too soon. 
Updated for 2022 …
Fifteen sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by The Batman.
How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, that’s a hardware issue.
How many hardware (electrical) engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, we’ll fix it in software.
Q. Why can’t a bicycle stand by itself?
A. It’s two-tired.
What was Whitney Houston’s favorite form of coordination?
HAND-EEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEE