Another one: about 6 am one of our cat’s wanders into boy #1’s room.
Over the monitor my wife & hear: “That bloody cat’s on my bed again”.
My kid is headed for two and a half and her favourite carol is ‘Mary’s Boy Child’ (which, for anyone who doesn’t know, is big on the line ‘Mary’s boy child, Jesus Christ, was born on Christmas Day…’). Which is fine, except that when she wants you to sing it she shouts ‘I WANT JESUS CHRIST!!!’ Sooner or later someone is going to grab her and baptise her.
When my son was around 2 and just beginning to talk, we were at the grocery store one day. He helped me shop by pointing out the things he recognized and liked. As we entered the produce area, he spotted the juice cooler. He started yelling “Jooz! Jooz!” while pointing excitedly toward the juice – and a nice elderly couple who, I do believe, may have been Jewish. They gave me a very perplexed, not entirely happy look. I gave them a friendly wave with a shoulder shrug, and waited until I was in the car to laugh.
Driving somewhere last week, the car in front splashed water on my windscreen. I turn the wipers on and Miss 3 in the back seat pipes up “Aww, dammit, now it’s raining!”
Your son is *very *important!
I read it before you changed the smily. I was wondering what I said. 
Eek, and I thought I got back to it right away.
FTR: The Importance of Being Earnest.
I am childless by choice and have not spent a lot of time around small children. A couple of years ago a couple with a little girl bought season tickets to hockey and got the seats next to mine. I think the little girl was two or so.
Something happened on the ice and I let out “Oh, shit”. This beautiful little girl looks at her mom and with a big grin on her face says “Oh, shit”.
For some reason this little girl likes me. I really try to control my language around her; I don’t want to me a bad influence. The group of season ticket holders around my seat gets quite a laugh out of watching me change words in mid-yell. I swear that little girl makes me swallow curses like after dinner mints.
She’s doing Spike Jones bits? Impressive.
One of my friends on Facebook just posted that her 2 year-old calls her husband babe, because that’s what she calls him. So she’ll hear him say “No, babe! I don’t want to, babe!” and so on. 
I love it! Hilarious. Reminds me of how my now 10 year old back in '08 (so he was 7) became an ardent Obama supporter. While both my husband and I were in fact planning on voting for Obama we had not talked about this to the kids. We didn’t even have TV so he wasn’t even watching campaign commercials. To this day I can’t quite figure out how he became so attached to Obama, but he would talk to anybody about how they should vote for Obama (reason given: because he is so great) and become excited to the point of agitation whenever we passed an Obama yard sign.
Cute stuff from today…5 year old desperately trying to get attention of 10 year old…“Joe! Joe! I have to tell you something! I have to tell you something!” no response…" Joe! I have to tell you something!"
What was so important?
“There’s a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the table!!!”
When my nephew was about four, he’d make it a point of misbehaving when I would babysit.
His favorite thing to do was jump out of bed and turn the light on after I’d tucked the boys in and turned it off.
More than once I’d yell at him to just behave! (I was a snotty teenager) His response was always, “I AM being haved!”
Now, that’s my standard answer when my husband tries to stop me when I’m being snarky.
The “NO COLBERT, DAILY SHOW!!” tantrum just has GOT to be sent in to Jon Stewart. Es muss sein!
It reminds me of an embarrassingly incongruous tantrum my son, then 3-1/2 years old, threw in a Home Depot. He was pretty tired, we’d been shopping all day through two different stores before arriving at Home Depot around 5pm, and while not a tantrum prone child by any means, was nevertheless in prime condition for a meltdown.
I’m a big lover of carbonated water, I drink a lot of (plain) seltzer, but my particular favorite is Perrier. I buy cases of the large 25 oz. green bottles, and often carry one with me when we go out somewhere. Well this particular excursion had run way longer than I’d expected, and I’d finished the bottle shortly after we got to Home Depot. Since we had at least another hour to go, I went to refill it at a water fountain.
I came back to find my son all but falling asleep in the shopping cart (he was sitting in the little child seat with the two leg holes by the push bar). To keep him awake, my wife suggested he have a drink. He took the green glass bottle from my hands and took a swig.
He put it down and had the most amazingly suspicious look on his cute little toddler face. “*What *is this?” he demanded. Oh, no, I thought to myself, but gallantly tried to baldface my way through the coming storm. “Why, it’s Perrier! See, it’s a Perrier bottle!”
“No. No, this isn’t Perrier. It is NOT Perrier!” He put the bottle in his lap and started to cry. I picked him up to hug him but this, not doubt coupled with my recent and shameless attempt at deception, enraged him instead. “I want PERRIER! PERRIER!!!”
Heads turned at the Home Depot to see the rich little kid who was demanding his Perrier. And God help us if we ran out of Grey Poupon.
When my youngest was about 7, we took a family trip to Mexico. In order to really get to know the culture and see for ourselves exactly what the fuss was about, we went to a bullfight.
When the first bull was stabbed and there was blood spraying all over, my daughter cried out “Oh look at the blood spurt, daddy! He must have hit an artery!!”
This is the same kid who at age 5 was watching a Discovery channel special on C-sections with her mom to celebrate Mother’s day. My wife couldn’t take the OR footage, so went into the kitchen. Soon the littlest Mercotan came into the kitchen too, and the Mrs. was full of concern, asking if the show was too much for her. “No, I just wanted to have some ice cream while I watched it. It’s on commercial now.” She got her ice cream and went back to watch more of the surgical procedure.
“Did the world start at 1 o’clock? I bet it did.”
Kids love him. Around the same time my son would get so excited to see him on tv. “It’s Barack Obama, mom! Mom! Mom! Barack Obama! He’s on tv!”
Even better? We’re Canadian.
Another echo for sending this in! I am sure the producers would get a big kick out of it.
My middle daughter today said she wanted to run away and join the Middle Child Circus.
:?
When my nephew was three, we were in a mall department store when a couple of women nearby started speaking in Spanish. My nephew loudly declared, “Oh! This must be the Spanish floor!” 
According to my mother, when my youngest brother was told where babies come from, his response was “Oh, so that’s what it’s for.”
Aww…