Mother Goose: The Next Generation

[MacSpon]

Or, The Nursery Rhyme Continues.

For example, you may be familiar with the old nursery rhyme, “The House that Jack Built” – which builds from the simple

This is the house that Jack built

through

This is the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built

right up to its full final majesty:

This is the farmer, sowing his corn,
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn
That waked the priest, all shaven and shorn,
That married the man, all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden, all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog
That worried the cat
That killed the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

But what happened next?

We could, for example, add a further note of piety (harking back to the earlier sub-plot about the priest all shaven and shorn):

This is the church on the Sabbath morn
That blessed the farmer, sowing his corn,
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn
That waked the priest, all shaven and shorn,
That married the man, all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden, all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog
That worried the cat
That killed the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

But then, suddenly, a dramatic new element!

This is the arsonist, maddened by porn,
Who torched the church on the Sabbath morn
That blessed the farmer, sowing his corn,
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn
That waked the priest, all shaven and shorn,
That married the man, all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden, all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog
That worried the cat
That killed the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

And from there on, things can only get stranger:

This is the alien, ready to spawn,
That planted her eggs, about to be born,
In the corpse of the arsonist, maddened by porn,
Who torched the church on the Sabbath morn
That blessed the farmer, sowing his corn,
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn
That waked the priest, all shaven and shorn,
That married the man, all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden, all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog
That worried the cat
That killed the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

And from there …? Any suggestions?
Or can you shed new light on any other old rhymes?

[pinkfreud]

This is the actor named Michael Dorn
Who zapped the alien, ready to spawn,
That planted her eggs, about to be born,
In the corpse of the arsonist, maddened by porn,
Who torched the church on the Sabbath morn
That blessed the farmer, sowing his corn,
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn
That waked the priest, all shaven and shorn,
That married the man, all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden, all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog
That worried the cat
That killed the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

[ErinPuff]

No suggestions, but “maddened by porn” is the best phrase I’ve heard all day.

[emekthian]

This is the Old English character “þorn”
That appeals to the actor named Michael Dorn
Who zapped the alien, ready to spawn,
That planted her eggs, about to be born,
In the corpse of the arsonist, maddened by porn,
Who torched the church on the Sabbath morn
That blessed the farmer, sowing his corn,
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn
That waked the priest, all shaven and shorn,
That married the man, all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden, all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog
That worried the cat
That killed the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

[pinkfreud]

@emekthian

This is the Old English character “þorn”
That appeals to the actor named Michael Dorn…

Lol! You must be thinking of “Beoworf.”

[Nahk_Ila_Dihahs]

@MacSpon

…corpse of the arsonist

BAND NAME!!

@MacSpon

maddened by porn

BAND NAME!!

Feels much better

[Yllaria]

Lol! You must be thinking of “Beoworf.”

I laughed hard enough to launch my gum into the back of my cat’s head.

[Dragwyr]

This is the baby of 24 hrs labor born,
that grew into the Old English character “þorn”
That appeals to the actor named Michael Dorn
Who zapped the alien, ready to spawn,
That planted her eggs, about to be born,
In the corpse of the arsonist, maddened by porn,
Who torched the church on the Sabbath morn
That blessed the farmer, sowing his corn,
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn
That waked the priest, all shaven and shorn,
That married the man, all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden, all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog
That worried the cat
That killed the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

[Captain_Gutgore_Blooddrink]

This is the prostitute, haggered and word
that mothered the baby of 24 hrs labor born,
that grew into the Old English character “þorn”
That appeals to the actor named Michael Dorn
Who zapped the alien, ready to spawn,
That planted her eggs, about to be born,
In the corpse of the arsonist, maddened by porn,
Who torched the church on the Sabbath morn
That blessed the farmer, sowing his corn,
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn
That waked the priest, all shaven and shorn,
That married the man, all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden, all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog
That worried the cat
That killed the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

[matt_mcl]

This is the pro-lifer, covered in scorn
Who prevented the prostitute, haggard and worn
From aborting the baby of a day’s labour born,
That grew into the Old English character “þorn”
That appeals to the actor named Michael Dorn
Who zapped the alien, ready to spawn,
That planted her eggs, about to be born,
In the corpse of the arsonist, maddened by porn,
Who torched the church on the Sabbath morn
That blessed the farmer, sowing his corn,
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn
That waked the priest, all shaven and shorn,
That married the man, all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden, all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog
That worried the cat
That killed the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

[MacSpon]

Okay, this is getting nicely twisted.

This is the hunter, sounding his horn,
Who bagged the pro-lifer, covered in scorn,
Who prevented the prostitute, haggard and worn,
From aborting the baby of a day’s labour born
That grew into the Old English character “þorn”
That appeals to the actor named Michael Dorn
Who zapped the alien, ready to spawn,
That planted her eggs, about to be born,
In the corpse of the arsonist, maddened by porn,
Who torched the church on the Sabbath morn
That blessed the farmer, sowing his corn,
That kept the cock that crowed in the morn
That waked the priest, all shaven and shorn,
That married the man, all tattered and torn,
That kissed the maiden, all forlorn,
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog
That worried the cat
That killed the rat
That ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.

We could, of course, examine some other rhymes. For example:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.

All the Queen’s Ladies thought they’d have a go,
But the glueing-together was terribly slow.
The wise man pondered and scratched his grey head
And said, “Maybe we should try staples instead?”

The dog had a try, but the yolk was on him.
The horse and the cat thought the idea was dim.
Then along came the CHICKEN, before they were done,
And said, “Oh my God! What’s become of my son?”

Or there’s old Wee Willie:

Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town,
Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown;
Rapping at the window, crying through the lock,
“Are all the children in their beds, for it’s past eight o’clock?”

Wee Willie Winkie also likes the girls,
Racing them and chasing them all around the world.
But oh, when he catches them, they all get quite a shock
When Wee Willie puts his Winkie in their lock.

Hmm, maybe not …