I went to the thing. I had precent time, overall.
Initially, I did VERY well at the church half of the party. We then broke into groups and I went with a group to someones home for a pizza party.
I talked quite a bit to several people, some WOMEN :D, without hesitation, and even initiated some conversation. I was coming out of my shell VERY well, and I was very surprised at how easily I handled it. (I realized later that it was so easy to talk because I wasn’t thinking about talking, like I usually do. I also attribute it to praying beforehand)
As the evening progressed, though, I started to slowly “slip back into my shell.” Alot of it was not my fault. The house party kind of broke into three mini-groups. One was in the kitchen talking. One was in the living room playing games. And then there was the dining room table, which is where I was with 3 other people.
At the table were 2 women, and two guys, including myself. Well, I had done so well at the beginning of the evening, I was very excited about talking, but thanks to “curly” as I deemed him, I couldn’t get a word in edge-wise barely. This guy was blabbing away all night, non-stop. Whenever I said anything, he kind of seemed to be “one-upping” me all the time. He was a seemingly nice dude, but he just couldn’t let anyone else have a turn to talk. One of girls went home, then “curly” went home and the 2nd woman left after.
The kitchen group had left already, leaving just the “game group” in the living room. I went and joined them, but then IT happened…
One of the gals there tried to suck me into the game, which was a sort of cross between Balderdash and Charades. I gently and laughingly declined & I wasn’t forced to play, or put on the spot. However, as the game went on, they all were talking about “getting someone who hadn’t had a turn to play” Now, I had a pretty strong feeling, that would end up being me, since I was the only one who hadn’t been in the game from the get go…
Well, with that in mind, I had a major anxiety attack (unbeknownst to the others) and said my goodbyes and went home. When I got to my car, I was nearly hyperventilating, getting a migraine, and felt queasy.
Regardless of my panic attack, I feel I did VERY well, and met quite a few people. So it’s not a loss in my book. I was able to work on my social skills and seemed to come across quite normal, IMHO. I held out for five hours total at this event!!! A milestone in my book…especially with so many people (about 20 in my group alone…not including the whole bunch at the church at the start of the evening.)
I hope to continue socializing with my new acquaintances, (preferably without “curly” and without any “hotseat” games) and I will be trying to connect with them as I am able.
I would have loved to stayed longer, but the game thing really freaked me out. There’s no way I can get up in front of 12 people and do crazy silly stuff. Even now as I am writing this, my heart is still pumpming like mad from the anxiety.
Bottom line: My shell is cracking. I have a feeling it’s going to crack quite easily in due time. I’m winning the battle…bit by bit. MSK pats self on back. I’m proud of myself. I have seen a side of myself that I haven’t seen before, or at least not seen in so long that I can’t remember. There’s a person inside me who is screaming to be outgoing. and IS outgoing. This damn shell is in the way though. I’ll just keep pecking at it til its gone. peck peck peck… I knocked out a big ole chunk tonight.
Excuse me now while I go to bed and relax before I barf from anxiety 
