Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It was looking for food, probably, or maybe it was trying to evade a predator, such as a fox or coyote.
This morning I shot an elephant that was wearing my pyjammas. I don’t know why it was wearing my pyjammas.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “I’ll have one hot dog, please, and I would all of the condiments you have on it.”
My doctor said I was overweight. I said I wanted a second opinion. He said I could get one but it probably wouldn’t be covered by my insurance.
The vendor says “That’ll be $4.25, sir, but if you plan on paying with a $5 bill, I must warn you in advance that we have a policy of not giving out coins as change.”
Why did the pervert cross the road?
He was trying to avoid the police officer who wanted to question him about hanging around the playground.
Take my wife… for example!
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? A snowstorm.
What has four wheels and flies?
A flying car, perhaps one of the ones discussed in this blog.
Did you hear about the Polish Olympic weight lifting team? They’re pretty strong.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Bob.
Bob who?
Bob Smith.
Come on in!
Q. How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Just one. It’s not really a two-man job.
Isn’t that changing the set-up, rather than the punchline? I suggest:
This morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. It was early, and I hadn’t had a chance to get dressed.
Q: Are you a pole vaulter?
A: Yes. I assume you guessed from the equipment I was carrying.
This morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. The zoo is pressing charges, but at least I didn’t go with my original plan and do it butt naked.
A horse walked into a bar. The bartender didn’t speak to him as he knew horses can’t talk. Instead, he led him back out.
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper didn’t say anything back. Grasshoppers can’t talk.
Do you know who else imprisoned and murdered people based on their ethnicity? Hitler.
Q: Who’s on first?
A: Sam Jones.
A Muslim, a Christian and a Jew walk into a bar. What a fine example of our multicultural society.
My mate started dating a cheetah. I strongly recommended he seek help for his delusional and frankly dangerous behaviour.