Murphy’s Law states that “If anything would go wrong, it will”. Many and various amendents and additions have been added to Murphy’s Law, but I have yet to come across these, so here they are:
Murphy’s First Law for Lonely People: When others are free, you are not free. When you are free, others are not free.
Murphy’s Addition to the First Law for Lonely People: Your friends will mysteriously fall sick, need to get their pets groomed, have pressing deadlines or will have something on the moment you thought of something cool to do with them.
Murphy’s Second Law for Lonely People: The most exciting get-together that you want to be at is always planned without considering whether you could make it or not.
Murphy’s Addition to the Second Law for Lonely People: If you are going to watch a movie with a group of friends, they will forget to buy the ticket for you.
Murphy’s Third Law for Lonely People: When you started to think you have got used to loneliness, you haven’t.
Murphy’s Fifth Law for Lonely People: Everyone will be sure and tell you about how great the big get-together was three days after it happens with many “you should have seens” and you should have been theres" and maybe even (if we’re feeling really lucky) an “I should have invited you”.
Murphy’s Addition to the Law for Lonely Old People. The former SO’s will wish they could find some like you so they won’t be lonely to replace there spouses. But they don’t want you.
** The Law of Odd-Number Group Dynamics for Lonely People**: If you are in a group of friends, and the total number of the group is an odd number, everyone will pair off except you.
** Murphy’s Law for Lonely People Part Six:** The person whom you will get along most with, shares the same common interes and who you felt will be good friends with will be sleeping in another bunk, posted to another unit, work in the opposite office or somewhere “so close yet so far”.
** Murphy’s Amendment to Law Six**: …if the above is true, then you won’t get along with anyone who is sleeping in your bunk, training in your unit or working in your office or what-not.
** Self-Help Law for Lonely People**: Never complain that you are lonely, for it is always your own damn bloody fault. If it is not so, whoever you are whining to will convince that it is your own fault, one way or another.
Porpentine’s Corollary to Murphy’s Law: The drinking-and-Trivial-Pursuit buddy of the opposite sex whose values, priorities, and way of life are wildly incompatible with yours is secretly attracted to you. The one whose lifestyle kinda matches up with yours is not.
(Known about the first one for a while, finally ascertained the second part last Friday. Damn.)
Murphy’s Addition to the Fifth Law for Lonely People
The chance of splitting up increases even more if the present is non-refundable airplane tickets or in the days just after the return period ends.
Murphy’s Further Addition to the Fifth Law for Lonely People
If your birthday falls in the Thanksgiving-New Year’s period, chances of splitting up increase yet again, in general in proportion to the time, effort and $ you put into your SO’s last birthday.
Wireless’ (who just spent her birthday by herself yesterday) Christmas 2003 Dilemma:
Anyone want to buy a really nice green suede jacket, size XL?
Or meet me in Las Vegas for CES in January when I go by myself?
Murphy’s Law for Lonely People on New Year’s Eve: If you make plans to do something with someone on New Year’s Eve, and the person forgets and makes plans to do something else with someone else, that person will tell you about their new plans too late for you to find someone else to do something with. [sub](Yes, I just found out yesterday…)[/sub]
Murphy’s Law for Lonely People Part Seven: If you have to live somewhere for a fixed period, you will only start to make friends during the last month or two that you live there.
Murphy’s Law for Single People living in Niagara County, NY: Everybody else is married, about to be married, or angrily divorced. Your married friends will “know lots of single people” who might be interested in you, but you will never actually see those people, as they don’t exist.
Murphy’s Zeroth Law for Lonely People: The amount of friendship, social life, etc. that you will have in your life in the near future is proportional to the amount you have now. Thus, if your current level of social interaction is zero, your future level will be zero.
I.e., it is true of social life, friendship, companionship, romance, sex, and other sorts of human interaction as it is of so many other things, that the rich get richer, the poor get poorer, and the lonely get lonelier.
Associated Lemma #1: The more friends you have, the more opportunities you have to make new friends.
Associated Lemma #2: The more friends you have, the more you get to practice the kinds of social skills that enable you to make friends.
Associated Lemma #3: The more friends you have, the more you appear, to yourself and to others, as the kind of person one would want to have as a friend.
Murphy’s Law for Introverted Weirdos #1: The moment when you think you’ve bonded with another person, he or she ruins it by doing/saying something that’s incredibly annoying.
Murphy’s Law for Introverted Weirdos #2: The moment when you’ve accepted your a-loneness as something that works for you, some well-meaning soul reminds you that you’re an introverted weirdo who leads a pathetic and embarassing existence.
Murphy’s Law on "Out of Sight, Out of Mind: Your friends notice your absence but never acknowledged your presence.
LostCause’s refution to Murphy’s Law on “Out of Sight, Out of Mind”: Your friends never notice your absence and never acknowledged your presence until you do something stupid to draw attention to you.**
LostCause’s Colloray to Law for Introveted Weridos: The moment when you feel you need human contact is the moment when nobody is free. The moment when you think you need to take a breather is the beginning of the period of where everybody is pressuring you to come out**
Murphy’s Law of Jealously for Lonely People: If you happen to have a good friend, that good friend will have several dozen friends who will demand his attention.
Murphy’s Law of Jealously for Lonely People II: If you happen to have a good friend, that good friend will rather spend time with someone else than with you, but because he/she is a good friend, he/she rather not say it.
Murphy’s Law of Internet Dating Services for Lonely People #1: You’ll never get any responses to your carefully wordsmithed and thoughtful responses to profiles of MOTAS that seem like perfect matches.
Murphy’s Law of Internet Dating Services for Lonely People #2: When someone writes to show interest in you, they’re almost always:
[ul][li]Far outside your age range.[/li][li]Physically unattractive (i.e. too big, too tall/short, too skanky/grizzled).[/li][li]Seeking for a green card (i.e. “My name is Svetlana. I am wonderfuling woman who likes you profile and seek pleasantry corresponding.”).[/li][li]Otherwise geographically undesirable.[/li][li]Not of the appropriate sex (i.e. “How do you know you won’t like it if you haven’t tried it before?” ).[/li][li]Way too religious (i.e. the word “Jesus” or “Lord” is mentioned several times in the ad).[/li][li]Stupid (i.e. “I am a intelligant and independant women.”)[/li][/ul]
Murphy’s Lemma to the Addition to the Fifth Law for Lonely People: If you are the one holding nonrefundable plane tickets, friend will decide she does not like you precisely 1 week before you are to fly to see her.
Murphy’s Law for Sucidal Lonely People I: When you are doing it for attention, no one turns up.
Murphy’s Law for Sucidal Lonely People II: When you are doing it for real, and really am seeking sweet obivilon, the police, the firemen, the national guard, the FBI, the Secret Service and your parents turn up, except your friends.
When you finally set everything up to take a wonderful, if alone, vacation, something will happen at work and they will demand your presence there because it’s not like you were going to do something with somebody.
Murphy’s Law for Lonely People Part Eight: You watched a blockbuster movie by yourself because you couldn’t find anyone to watch with, and straight after watching the movie you get friends asking you to watch the movie with them.
