Just wanted to add that I have an 18-year old son who just completed the requirements for Eagle Scout a few months ago, gets good grades in all honors and AP classes, was inducted into the National Honor Society, and will be attending college in the fall.
He completely forgot Mother’s Day. Again. He even has a car and money this year. :smack:
I blame myself for not reminding him more. Anyway, after we got back from brunch yesterday, I picked up a gift and a card for him to give his mother that afternoon. (Normally, I would have insisted he come with me, but he had a ton of schoolwork and college orientation work to finish.) in his defense, he’s a lot like me: he can only focus on one (or two) things at once. If he’s busy with school, and Scouts, and college prep, etc., holidays tend to go by the wayside.
When I was a teenager, I always felt like I was avoiding land mines on holidays like Mothers Day. I don’t think I was a bad kid, but my mom and I did (and do) have very different personalities and priorities. Holidays like Mothers Day tended to remind her of how I fell short of being her ideal daughter. I don’t like conflict, and I especially did (and do) not like hearing all about how I’m not measuring up. I’d try to fly under the radar. I’d do something, but not something big enough to draw too much attention. I was mostly trying to get through the day without a fight with my mother.
I don’t think I fell short in huge ways, and I think she came to realize later on that I could have been worse (we got along a lot better once she did realize this). It was that I dressed differently than she would have liked, preferred playing computer games to doing things that she liked, wasn’t popular, that sort of thing.
Perhaps somebody already said this: if this is the worst disappointment your child ever hands you, you’re way ahead in the game of life. Teens, regardless of achievement, are rebellious in some fashion. Let it go, leave him alone, he’ll figure it out.
The parts I bolded seem contradictory to me. Skipping Mother’s Day two years in a row, having you point it out to him this year and him just listening to you and “never offered an apology or anything” — I’m sorry but that does not sound even remotely like you are “very, very close.”
Also, your perception that there is hardly ever an angry moment among you may be technically true but it would not preclude him having some anger, resentment, other negative feelings or thoughts going on that he is choosing to keep to himself rather than expressing outwardly in the form of visible anger. If your family has never had any discussion about the validity or, say, silliness of certain holidays, and you otherwise acknowledge things like birthdays and Christmas, this seems like there is “something” going on.
If I were in your shoes, the concerning part would not be that he ignored the holiday (I mean, it was created just to sell greeting cards, I think?!) but rather that he sat impassively, if I understand correctly, as you explained that you were hurt.
I agree 100% with this. I said in another reply that if it were me, it wouldn’t concern or bother me to have the holiday ignored. The part that WOULD concern me is if my kid of that age just sat there and blinked (OP didn’t say blinked, but you know) when told they’d hurt me/my spouse. It’s not that I’d want or need him to say how sorry he was, that’s not the point. But to say nothing, not even something dismissive like “I didn’t know you cared about the holiday” (or something similar)… to me that suggests maybe there are other issues going on, as to be nonresponsive when someone says you hurt their feelings, EVEN IF YOU THINK THE REASON IS DUMB, is just not very kind. Say something, you know? It seems especially odd if OP says they are all “very very close.” It just doesn’t make sense to me.
he’s a 16 year old guy. we can be inconsiderate (and even vicious) jerks when we’re that age. I know, I was one once. and back then, I was surrounded by others. Trust me, 16 year old guys treat each other far, far more horribly than your son failing to acknowledge you on a made-up holiday.
Probably because you decided to be inconsiderate, calling it a made up holiday and were making light of her feelings.
You’re also being rather clueless. There’s always an underlying reason, rational or not. She’s not looking for a rational reason, just a reason. And this thread, unlike you, has been very good at explaining those reasons.
I was never rebellious, and my sister was never rebellious. It’s a nice platitude, but it’s not true. Now whether it’s the parents’ fault or the kid’s fault is another story. But it is not something that always happens.
It’s like that thing about how teens will have sex anyways. I didn’t, my sister didn’t, and most of my friends didn’t.
I did not intend for my remark to be restricted only to teenage males. It’s been my experience that many a male past 16 offer that “excuse” for their bad behavior.