My friend is late 40s, 6’4" or so and now pushing 270 lbs.
A few years ago he was around 220 or so.
But now 270 lbs!?!?
We have hectic schedules and no longer live all that close, so it’s been a few months since I saw him last. I was stunned when he told me how much he weighs because he more or less carries it well in that the extra pounds seem to go everywhere, and not just a few areas.
I sat across from him and realized his neck was the same thickness as his head. Also seemed his chin was quickly disappearing.
It can’t be good to be carrying all those extra pounds. But again, he gains all over so I don’t think he really understands the significance.
I wish I could think of a way to help him out. He’s getting close to 50 now and should really take better care of himself.
I’m trying to think of a way to get him to really understand just how much weight he’s put on lately. I tried being blunt last night, but being with another mutual friend, it just became an orgy of ball-busting (good band name).
The guy drinks soda like it was water and I keep telling him that soda is terrible. He has eaten absolute crap all the times we’ve been friends. He exercises seldom, if ever.
I’m worried he’ll have a heart attack before his kids graduate high school.
Yeah, you’ve got to butt out of this one. He’s an adult, you’re neither his mommy, nor his doctor. It’s up to him whether or not he wants to change his bad habits and lose the weight. I’m sure he’s well aware that he’s put it on. No good could possibly come from getting involved.
I know it’s difficult, but the other posters are right on this one.
Your friend already knows that his weight is an issue. He knows he needs to exercise. He knows sodas are bad for him. The only thing your “help” is going to do is push him further into that black pit of self-loathing.
If he brings the subject up again, offer to help in any way necessary, show him that you believe in him, and then back off.
Be more worried about his cholesterol and blood pressure. He knows he’s getting fat. He presumably buys his own clothes. And nobody likes a Food Police.
But, if you really care about his health and not just the fact that he’s looking pudgy, then it’s not too gauche to say stuff like “nah, don’t pass the salt. My BP is getting up there according to my doctor” or “I’m stoked because my cholesterol level is going down since my last appointment. How about you?”
People - especially guys - tend to blow off regular checkups and blood tests, but IMHO they are pretty important the older you get. So casually and nicely mention concerns about how “us old guys” need to keep up with visiting their doctors - and let his weight and his health stay between him and his doctor.
Hell, no they’re not correct. What kind of a friend does nothing when someone is doing radically destructive things to himself? Weight is not a third rail that can’t be talked about. You wouldn’t hesitate to intervene if he was becomming addicted to alcohol or drugs, would you? If he was obviously showing signs of mental illness?
Someone who is gaining weight at that pace and is drinking all that soda and eating poorly is on a short path to diabetes, not to mention heart disease. At his age, if he doesn’t start to change his habits, it’s going to get exponentially harder each year to fix things. If he was at 220 a few years ago at that height he certainly has the capability to get back down there.
I certainly wouldn’t try to get him to change be needling him, nor would I mention the shape of his chin, but I sure as hell would sit him down and tell him that you are very concerned about his health. Focus on his health issues and what the cost is that he will have to pay in the future.
Someone once told me, and I have adopted this plan, is to have a talk with yourself from 20 years in the future. Does your 70 year old self want to be spry and active, playing golf and tennis, or do you want the future you to be telling you about failing joints, inability to get around, and the number of medications he needs to take daily?
Weight is not a special case. It is a heath issue like anything alse.
This is bull. As an overweight person myself, I can tell you that I would not receive any of this favorably. I am in charge of me, and, unlike say a drug problem, where I might not be in control, I’m perfectly capable of doing what I can to handle this.
You would seriously risk losing my friendship if you tried to tell me I need to lose weight. I’ve gotten doctors fired for it. Mind your own business, or be prepared for the consequences. Do it tactlessly, and yours might be the health you’d be worrying about.
NETA: The health thing is an exaggeration, of course. I wouldn’t hurt anyone. I just couldn’t pass that comment up. But, if I had just a bit less scruples, that’s how mad I’d be.
Let me specify: It’s one doctor, who couldn’t let it go without talking about my weight. She did it to everyone, and we got tired of it, told the doctor she was working under, and he chewed her out. He gave her an ultimatum, she was told to leave.
When I’m sick, I’m not paying to be harassed by the doctor. If it’s relevant to the problem I came in for, fine.
As for friends, you talk about me being fat, but it crosses the line when you try to tell me how to fix it. It’s my body.
Reaaaaaaally? You’ve gotten doctors fired, or you’ve decided to seek healthcare elsewhere because you don’t like being told a) what’s in your best interest and b) what they legally must tell you so you don’t sue them when you claim you were “never” told you were a disgustingly fat sloth?
+1
There’s a ton of sensitive (read: obese) posters who went after me when I asked what to do about my future MIL’s food choices impacting her overweight kids. And I got told to mind my own business by 2/3rd of posters - some of the same ones telling the OP to mind their own business.
Obviously you should be gentle and tactful, but if you didn’t say something you wouldn’t be a friend.
You admit you’re overweight, and your doctor tells you you need to lose weight. That’s pretty much the job description of a doctor. Did you just want someone who would give you a vial of pills instead?
Ha! It wasn’t a ton of sensitive posters, it was the vast majority of normal, regular posters on this board, with a lot of common sense between them. You really have some nerve painting those people all as wrong and overly sensitive, when you’re really just a cold, nosy, tactless buttinsky.
If I go in to see the doctor for, say, a sore throat, I expect her to goddamn well treat my sore throat and not spend the entire appointment ragging on me about my weight. When I was a freshman in college, you literally could not get them to look at a broken arm at the university clinic without getting a pregnancy test first. Now it’s the fucking BMI chart, but it’s the same damn thing - doctors whose private hobbyhorse is more important to them than your actual illness.
If I go in for something unrelated to my weight (like a sore throat) and my doctor keeps mentioning what a fatass I am, I’d probably be annoyed, too. It just sounded obnoxious as fuck the way BigT worded it without a clarification. The implication of violence was funny, too, but I didn’t feel like finding an Internet Tough Guy picture to link to (that and he admitted it was hyperbole in the next post of his).
I won’t tell you to mind your own business, because you’re just being a concerned friend, but there just isn’t much you can do. You can bring up your concerns, ask if there’s anything you can do (like be an exercise buddy) and be a good example, but if they don’t want your help…
I’m obese and I’m trying to get my weight under control. If a friend came to me and was genuinely concerned about my health, I’d appreciate the sentiment. If they needled me about it every time we got together, I wouldn’t want to be around them anymore. Who would want to spend time with a nag? I have a friend that said she wants to run with me 3-4 times a week, but she’s only shown up once. I could call her up every other morning to see if she’s awake and willing to come with me (like my SO thinks I should), but she’s a grown-ass woman. She wants to lose weight, she knows what she needs to do, and she knows I’m here.
I’ve made the offer and now it’s up to her. That’s all anyone can do for their friends.
