I agree - definitely stress, and is he taking anything for the stress? DH had to try several different anti-anxiety prescriptions because they made sex wonky for him - on one, he was less interested than when he was stressed, on the second, he was interested but couldn’t climax, etc.
You’re not hanging around with the right lesbians.
When I got my heart mangled and stomped all over two years ago, I said something very similar to my buddies, who took me to the pub and were saying things like “all you need to get over her is to get laid again” “go on, get back in the saddle”, etc. I replied:
“Guys, you could present Rihanna in front of me, naked, freshly washed and oiled, and moaning my name, and I wouldn’t even be able to get a semi.”
One of the symptoms of major depression is loss of libido; I would address the cause with him before concentrating on the symptom, disappointing though it is.
(Either that or he’s a serial bi cheater. Happens…)
It might be noted that it doesn’t have to be stress or cheating—some men are simply not very libidinous. I speak from personal experience (although for my SO’s sake I won’t go into TMI territory here). Contrary to some opinions I’ve seen expressed, this doesn’t have to be a problem; would forgoing sex bother you much?
I can sympathize with the OP- it can be very demoralizing to be turned down for sex when you’re a woman. Women are constantly told that they can get laid whenever they want, no problem. A lot of men say or imply that they are always willing to have sex, no matter what. Then you get turned down, and after being conditioned to believe that this never happens, what else are you going to do but think that there’s something seriously wrong? There probably is nothing wrong, except that he’s stressed out, but you sure can’t blame the OP for wondering.
Hell, its three things. Her health, his family, and his job. Hell, MY guy hides like a shy turtle just thinking about all HIS problems.
And then all this stress causes causes his fourth problem, his shrinking turtle. And he probably feels thats not a very good thing either.
Yeah, he MAY be making up/exageratting all these stressors and how they bother him, but IMO there is a darn good chance that they ARE NOT.
I mean really, how much worse could it get for the poor guy barring Hollywood level drama?
Or even if he’s under 40. Much easier to say “not interested” than “can’t get it up.” Especially since all of the factors that reduce libido hit desire AND ability.
2 months isn’t that long a time from the perspective of major life stresses. I’d be inclined to think this problem was situational.
It’s stress that’s doing it-- I had a weird libido reaction when I was dealing with a combination of grad school, my mom dying, and other stuff all at the same time. Sometimes I’d use sex as a self-medicating behavior (endorphins feel good), and sometimes I just wouldn’t want sex at all for long spans compared to my normal levels. It got weirder after my mom died and I was in the grieving period, which was also a time period where I was still a graduate student and still planning a wedding-- I just wanted positive attention from anywhere I could get it, and needed lots of hugs and support from people, especially my husband. He’s not cheating, but he is under a lot of stress, and you are too, from the looks of it. Try to be as supportive as you can, and things may get back to normal eventually; having to take care of your sexual needs on your own for a little while may suck, but if you want to keep the relationship going through this, a little self love may be the compromise to make it work well again.
Paranoid Randroid: They’ve been dating for more than two years, and this is a relatively recent change in libido. IME, guys with a lower libido don’t want it more initially then taper off, but tend to be similar in their sexual interest over time; the same guys for guys with a higher libido-- they tend to want sex about as much later on as in the beginning.
Not to mention that there may even be physical problems, like high blood pressure, which also affects a guy’s ability there. The BP could be related to stress or something that has shown up separate but isn’t helped by the stress.
I don’t think that’s necessarily always so. I was in a couple of relationships where my sex drive in the beginning was very high, but after a while it tapered off, sometimes to nothing.
In those cases, sadly, I lost attraction for them. I still loved them, but had no interest in having sex. I madly lusted after other women, though. I never cheated, I just did without.
It was pretty sad, actually.
Nah, **Paranoid **- OP specified that they “used to have sex regularly.”
Another vote for stress being a libido-killer. You’d think that people who are stressed or upset would be horny - as a distraction, tension release, etc. - but for most people it just doesn’t work like that.
I can tell you that The Other Horseshoe and I have had periods of time when sex is non-existent. We’ve been together almost a decade and still go through periods of time, as well, when we go at it like stupid teenagers. But the times when the sex fades away are a) temporary and b) always attributable to one or the other of us (or both) going through some major stress.
So my advice to you is to not bug him about it. (That adds to the libido-killing stress, see?) DIY for a while.
A no-strings-attached blow job might also help jump-start his libido back up once he’s not feeling so stressed out, too. 
Good luck on the mammogram!
This doesn’t negate what** nashiitashii** said- I believe she meant that a man that still had interest in his girlfriend would have the same type of sex drive. You lost interest, your sex drive for that person went down.
True enough.
My boy is going through this right now. He doesn’t hardly want to talk to me because he doesn’t want to think about sex. I don’t begrudge him this at all…cuz there’s nothing I can do about it other than wait it out and let him get back into it when he’s ready.
Pressuring him for sex would just make things worse, IMHO. I don’t even bring it up.
Well, I can only speak for my own experience, and it does seem as if the OP’s scenario has many other factors in play. On re-reading, my experiences are probably not applicable here.
But having regular sex in the beginning isn’t inconsistent with naturally low libido; it may be that they had sex at the female’s behest. I suppose I bring this up in response to the common thought that a man who doesn’t wish to have sex is likely a cheater.
Another guy vote for stress and/or depression as the likely culprits… but I’m no doctor.
When I’m stressed over work, it just ain’t happening.
Don’t force the issue, either. Adding performance anxiety to the equation won’t help. That will just backfire and possibly compound the problem.
Help him relax and get through whatever it is.
Get out of town for a relaxing weekend to take his mind off things. Leave town on a Friday night and don’t even consider making any moves until Saturday night at the soonest. If it’s not happening, ask if he’s ok, snuggle, reassure him that you are ok with it, ask if he wants to talk, and suggest perhaps giving it a go in the morning. If it’s not happening on Sunday morning, then he’s obviously a bisexual cheater.
ETA: The no-strings bj is a great idea.
dragongirl, you say he’s still affectionate. Do you guys ever just make out? Or is that something that invariably leads to sex? I’m thinking (and I think this is an old Masters and Johnson trick) that maybe you could make out with each other but with a strict rule that it will not lead to sex. And that you’ll do that a couple of times a week for, say, a month.
That way you can be close, and have a physical relationship, but it will completely take the pressure off of him to perform. And who knows, he might get aroused.
I concur with the homo diagnosis, but he sounds like he might be kind of an asshole either way. Complaining that you don’t sleep naked? bitching about how you kiss? Kind of a douchebag, no?
Because the one thing every homo wants is a naked girl in his bed.
Stress has never affected my libido, by the way. I’m not buying that. What does one thing have to do with the other? If anything, it’s a relief of stress. That’s just an excuse when guys say that. It means they’re getting it somewhere else, they’re gay or they’re not attracted to the woman anymore.