Mostly likely a combination of stress and boredom. Really any one of the things you mentioned - job, family, breast lumps, is enough to create a lot of stress on its own.
While I don’t think he’s a bisexual pedophile like Perciful’s ex, the fact that the discussion seems to agitate him and he’s suddenly complaining about how you kiss might imply that he has cheated or at least considered it. It’s a combination of guilt and resentment.
Agreed. When my ex lost his job his libido dropped completely off and he started picking fights with me. Once he got a job and that stress went away, he more than made up for it.
However, I would still be careful. Obviously there’s no standard “if a guy says/does ___, it means _____”, but you will know what’s normal for your relationship and what should raise a red flag. Within a few months of our split, my ex actually told me that he didn’t like kissing, period. For someone who had liked it the previous 5 years of our relationship, I saw this as a huge red flag. Also, his libido dropped off, and he started nit-picking my habits more, telling me things I’d done for years were suddenly “weird” (including sleeping naked).
So use your better judgment, talk to him if you’re concerned about the health of your relationship …but also don’t make it about sex, because if he’s already embarrassed, talking about that specifically may only exacerbate the problem. It may also do you some good to just sit back and let things settle. If things don’t improve within a short time, revisit the conversation.
Yeah, but I’m having doubts that he’s not actually horny. It’s possible that he is horny, then realizes he can’t perform, so he gets depressed and emasculated, which thus kills his libido.
Example:
Him - “Oh no! I can’t get it up! I’m not a man anymore!”
Her - “Hey baby, wink wink”
Him - “I can’t let her see me like this…unmanly, ineffectual, weak.” So he pushes her away.
Her - “What’s wrong? You like sex normally…”
Him - “Uh. I just don’t feel like it.”
Her - “But why not?”
Him - “Stress. Yep, that’s it. Stress.”
Her - “Do you want to talk about it?”
Him - “Hell no. Don’t bring it up again.”
If you’re doubting yourself in bed because you’re impotent, that’s enough stress to kill your libido right there. Coupled with the other stress in your life, sex is the LAST chore you want to perform at the end of the day. And you certainly don’t want to start *talking *about sex. When you’ve got this sword of Damocles over your head, you don’t want someone to start shaking the thread.
Duh. That’s what she’s trying to do! 
:rolleyes:
Hey, some of us asexual cheaters would like to stay in the closet thank you very much. Are you and Perciful in some kind of contest?
You guys need to give **Perciful **a break. She’s old- she comes from a time when men were men, and if he wasn’t fucking you, he was fucking somebody.
This is one of the dumbest things I’ve heard here from an otherwise serious poster. Have you ever been seriously depressed? It can be hard to get up sometimes, let alone have sex. Not every man is built the same way; not everyone wants sex in the same degree, in the same fashion, with the same frequency.
And here I had such vivid memories of times when I was under severe stress—from losing a job or worrying about a dying relative—and my interest in sex dissipated temporarily. Now I know that can’t possibly have been the case, because it never happened to Diogenes. I wonder, was I temporarily gay, or did my smoking hot wife go through an ugly spell?
You may be (accidentally) correct in your diagnosis of the OP’s problem, but is it really “**Dio **says something so monumentally stupid it’s as he’s *hoping *for a pile-on” time again?
Well, if it’s never affected your libido, then obviously it’s never affected anyone else’s.
Who is the otherwise serious poster?
What utter, utter, utter bollocks.
Giraffe, maybe? That guy’s like a freakin’ accountant. All business.
Actually, no. I am fortunate enough to have never experienced any clinical depression. I don’t know what it feels like. Good point.
But different people respond to stress in different ways. Just because you have never lost your libido in response to stress doesn’t mean nobody else ever does.
You can get a feedback loop going here, too. You get stressed, which lowers your libido. You feel like you should be ready to go sexually all the time and there must be something wrong with you if you aren’t, so you feel worse, which lowers your libido further.
Some people have a lot of their self-worth and self-concept tied up in their jobs (I know, I’m trying to break myself of this right now). Losing a job can be devastating to the ego. And, of course, losing a job can cause financial worries, which are a very common source of stress in relationships.
Some people do snap at others when they’re stressed. Sometimes it can happen over things that seem incredibly trivial or silly later. See this thread for some examples. If the complaining is something you’ve only noticed since he’s been in this stressful episode, it might just be that. If it’s something you’ve noticed for a long time, though, I’d worry more.
Agree with others that its likely stress/depression causing this.
The “not naked in bed” complaint could be a whole separate issue from his libido. The complaint sounds like he could feel you have a “hang up” about sex. Are there any other sexual things he’s asked for that you’ve pushed back on? Just speaking from experience, but when one partner feels that there’s an inequity in sexuality (even as minor as “she doesn’t seem to enjoy giving blowjobs”), it can cause them to complain about other things as signs of the overall feeling of inequity.
Don’t know if that made sense, and it may not apply here at all, but it seemed like an odd complaint.
While his problem is probably stress, you should spend some time thinking about how much poorly-directed anger you’ll accept from someone. Criticizing you for random things that have never bothered him before, due to external stresses, is asshole behavior. (I’ve done it once or twice myself, so I’m comfortable stating this.) Just make sure you have the ability to stand up for yourself, and don’t become a punching bag for someone because they can’t or won’t deal with the actual problem.
Him blaming it on things you do or don’t do sounds like a ham-fisted way of rationalizing his low drive so that his male ego feels better. Because if is you, there would have been no reason to talk about his indifference to the three lesbians or whatever.
It really doesn’t help that I was watching Mike Rowe measure alligator snapping turtles on TV last night. I’ve now got to contend with visions of a massive, hyper-aggressive penis capable of locking its jaws onto … yeah, I need to just stop thinking about it.
Back to the OP: I suppose it’s possible he’s a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania and he’s been playing you for a fool for a couple years, but sexual deevs don’t have that kind of attention span. Speaking from experience I’ll also suggest that the impending emmasculation that comes with unemployment can be enough to turtle any guy with a shred of responsibility, add to that the family problems=“rejection by those who know you best”. And once Mr. Happy starts showing signs of lethargy it can just reaffirm any doubts he may already have about himself as a good man. All of this would be going on inside HIS head, so that’s where it has to be sorted out–not something you can do directly. If I’m close to right, though, the less disparity he sees between his libido and yours, the better.
You know, I lived with a guy who was gay. No, I did not know he was gay when we moved in together. He started off ok with the libido and then it really tapered off to the point where we didn’t do it at all.
That could be what’s happening.
However, I had a long term relationship with a guy who was randy as a rabbit. After a couple of years he was relocating, trying to finish his PhD, family stress, etc. He wasn’t interested in sex AT ALL and he was kind of grumpy too.
That could also be what’s happening and personally I think this is more likely. Frankly, you’ll need to think about your relationship from the beginning - Mr. Gay was never actually that gung ho - he just kind of played along. Mr. Randy as a Rabbit was…randy as a rabbit.
I don’t think that that’s necessarily tru oh look, a penny!
Stress & simple tiredness are huge hits to my (male) libido. When I’m tired, the first thing to go out the window is sex.
Add to that that I do have on-and-off erectile issues and, fairly often, I take a blue pill to help out. When you’re worried if you’re gonna get it up or not, trust me, it’s more often “not”. It was mentioned above that Viagra doesn’t create desire - true - but worrying if you’re going to fail during sex is a real desire killer.
My vote? Stress, tiredness, worry, etc. I’m projecting here a bunch from personal experience but it sounds much more reasonable than he’s really a closet bisexual using you as his beard.
EDIT: could you compromise on the PJ thing? I just bought my wife some simple satin PJ’s that are so much sexier than her old over-sized cotton T-shirts.