It’s like food. There are some things that I like, some I am tepid on, some I don’t like, and some things I refuse to eat.
I’m not a huge fan of honey mustard, so generally I’d opt to eat something else. But if it’s the only thing available I’d have no problem eating it. However, if there was blue cheese dressing on a salad, I wouldn’t even consider eating it unless I had been without food for weeks. Regardless of which is offered, I wouldn’t fault someone for doing so if they didn’t know my feelings on either.
Likewise, there are a handful of things I like sexually, some I could go either way on, some I don’t like (but would try or consider if asked to), and some I’ll refuse outright. I could see someone coming to a message board for advice on activities in the second two categories, and I find it reasonable for a partner to ask for something they want, at least once.
ETA: The above food analogy oughtn’t to be taken to mean I’ll try any sex act if I’ve been without sex long enough.
You’re right, he is. It isn’t that he wants me to talk dirty, he just wants to know what I’m thinking - is she enjoying this, am I hitting the right spot, etc. Getting me off helps him get off.
To everyone else, I want to to let you all know he’s not badgering, bullying, or even begging. He just wants verbal feedback on what he’s doing. I’d like to be able to give that to him. He wants me to be happy, and I want to try to do this to make him happy.
Porn Starlet Katie Morgan says that when she’s supposed to be talking all raunchy she just basically states whatever the dude is doing in an enthusiastic manner…
“Yeah, fuck my pussy! You’re fucking my pussy! YEAH!”
Inter Alia: I like dirty talking in bed, and I definitely get what you’re saying about it not being “dirty” talking he wants as much as feedback.
I think you can start with one- or two-syllable stuff. The following can go a long way:
“Yes”
“Yeah”
“More”
“Mmm good”
“Don’t stop”
“Oh God”
And having him say stuff that elicits a response is a good idea.
As far as people telling you not to try it since you’re not comfortable–oh, puh-leez! There is no possible down-side to at least trying to be a little more verbally responsive. And learning to do express yourself verbally during sex is likely to lead to greater satisfaction for both parties.
Besides, it’s hot.
I have employed this strategy on more than one occasion.
I cannot believe that 2 pages into this and nobody has posted the Kate purple-headed-womb-ferret Winslet link.
ETA: OP take your time, ease into it, have fun and talk with him outside the bedroom as well. I, for one, love to hear a woman say she’s about to come.
… and how mad the one I love would be if she knew who I was fantasizing about.
Write him a note when you get done so he’ll know for next time!
I think one of the problems with dirty talk is that we men don’t really get what women mean when they say, “right there!” or “that feels great!”, etc.
You want us to keep doing whatever we’re doing. We think, “well if she likes it now, she’ll love it if I do the same thing faster/harder”. But generally you won’t (or so I’m told).
“Work it harder!”, “Make it better!”, “Do it faster!”, “Make us stronger, more than ever!”, and then you can get him really excited by telling him that you want to take a long time with him. Something like, I dunno, “an hour after, our work is never over”.
Try that.
Avoid doing what I did once. Do NOT tie an American flag around your shoulders, assume the Captain Morgan pose naked, lick your lips and go “Boink me, baby.” (True story)
The only problem with this is that for some women, things have got to be just right for them to come, and sometimes that involves being quiet (themselves and, occasionally, their partner has to shut up, too). So if this guy needs constant updates to get off, it could actually prevent her from getting off. Then again, IMHO purely audio porn would do really well in the female market, and often it’s the horrible squealing/clichéd dirty talk/bad acting that makes mainstream porn unbearable.
Though it does sound like a big part of it is just breaking out of that shell where you’ve had to masturbate quietly for years as a teen or you’re still embarrassed by ‘sex sounds’ and voicing pleasure. Hope everything works out!
