My breakup story (probably pathetic)

First, some background info. I’m living with my (girl) cousin. One day her former foreign exchange student, and good friend calls up and asks if she can come live with us to escape her abusive boyfriend. Of course, we let her. She’s not a citizen and has no family here, so she had no where to go. I had met her before, but didn’t know her very well. Within a couple months we get her a babysitting job making $75 a day. Pretty decent money.

Anyways, she moves in around March of this year. At first she would go and see her ex-boyfriend once in awhile. Until one day they got in a fight, and he strangled her. She came home crying. I was there for her. Her and I became good friends right away. Even before she stopped seeing him. Immediately I think she’s amazing. Beautiful Russian girl, sweet, makes me laugh all the time, I loved her accent too. I just never met anybody like her. She tells me how mean her ex was too her( real mean, he was such a dick, I won’t get into though). I can’t understand how someone can be so mean to such a sweet girl. Our friendship grows and grows. We hang out with each other all the time. She calls me when I’m away. Asking when I’ll be home. I can tell she likes me, but don’t have the courage to make a move. Just a note: She’s 25, I’m 22. Also, her ex-boyfriend is calling all the time, begging for her to come back, threatening to kill himself. She tells me how bad she feels (probably a warning, huh?).

Advance to July,
Finally, she has had enough of my shyness, and makes a move. She comes into my room one night, and asks me if I want to have sex.
I oblige, of course. A couple months goes by, we have sex pretty much everyday. We sleep together everynight. We are in our own world. We are in love.
Then our lease comes up on our apartment, and my cousin decides to move in with her BF. So, I am forced to move back in with my Mom. I ask Larissa to come with me, and she does. We moved in with my Mom at the beginning of October, until we can find a place of our own. First week goes by fine. But, then she changes. The family she babysit’s for goes on vacation for a month. So, she just sits at home all day. She gets really depressed. I don’t know how to deal with someone with depression. Never been around it that much. She tells me “don’t feel bad, she’s just mad at herself, not me”. I start to get the feeling that she doesn’t want to be around me. She is very moody. She either loves me or hates me. I start to realize that she was really traumatized by her ex. She has had a real tough life. She came from Russia when she was 16, then spent 5 years with a physically, and emotionally abusive ex. I try to be understanding to her. But, we begin to fight (argue), a little. Nothing too major.

Fast foward to Friday,
I call her from work at lunch time. She’s seems in a good, happy mood. I rush home from work to see her, and she’s not there. She basically has only 2 friends, another Russian girl, and my cousin. I call both of them. She’s with neither. I start to fear the worst. She went back with her ex. All her things are still at my house though. I hear nothing from her Friday. I go hang with my friends Saturday to try and clear my mind. I get a call LATE saturday, about midnight from her. I didn’t hear my cell phone ring, but she left a message saying “Hi, it’s me. I’ll be by tonight to get my shit”. Then she calls me again at 3:30 in the morning. I answer still half asleep. She tells me she didn’t mean to call, but she ask’s me if I’m OK. I say yes and she hangs up. I heard nothing from her yesterday. I have a feeling she is going to try and get all her things today when I am at work.

I wrote her a mean letter yesterday, and was going to leave it for her. If she is going to get her things today. But, I didn’t leave it. I figured I will try and be the mature person. But, then I took some of her things to work with me so she’ll have to talk to me.
I don’t what to think. I just want an explanation. I just want to talk to her. I don’t know how I will react if I see her. I still care about her, and don’t want her to feel bad. But she doesn’t seem to care how I feel. I don’t know what to feel right now. You think you know somebody. And it turns out you don’t.

Sorry if my posts seems so jumbled, that’s how my brain is right now.

That was good therapy though.

Being abused can mess with your head. From what people who’ve gone through the same thing here have said previously, sometimes they don’t feel like they really deserve anyone else, because the abuser hammered that thought into their heads until they believed it. They expected anyone nice would realize eventually how “horrible” of a person they were and dump them.

So she might not be over the abuse, and might figure she’s doing both of you a favor, even if you don’t realize it yet. At least, that’s the most gracious interpretation I can make.

If that’s the case, she probably has to figure that out on her own. You could try telling her that you do love her for who she is, and don’t want her to go, but who knows if she’ll listen. She could use some therapy I’m sure, but unless you suggested couples counseling I doubt she’d react well - and even then I bet she wouldn’t want to.

I’m sorry. You don’t deserve to get treated this way, but it sounds like (assuming it’s as it seems) you’re dealing with a very hurt, very broken woman who needs to put herself back together.