OK, some few of you might remember this thread I started awhile ago in IMHO about my dating criteria. I wondered if they were unreasonable, and some said they were. Still others predicted that I would, due to the perversity of nature, wind up with someone totally unlike my prescribed list.
So I started seeing someone recently, and I had to laugh, because he is rather far from my “required” qualities:
–I said over 6 feet; he is 5’8
–I said no smokers; he smokes
–I said no blondes; he’s fair haired
–I said within 5 years of my age; he’s 24
–I said makes $30,000/year; he makes a little more than half
–I said serious offers only; this guy is a goofball
However, to be fair, he does meet a lot of the other physical criteria, like lankiness, prominent nose and chin, etc. He also loves cats, literature, and hiking, and we have a lot of fun. But I just had to check back in to admit that many components of my criteria turned out to be ignorable.
In my admittedly limited experience, nobody matches their mate’s exact dating criteria. If he’s as much fun as you say he is, chuck that checksheet out the window. Best of luck to you and Mr. Goofball.
My current bf smokes – I quit 4 yrs. ago. I think this is payback for the three-year relationship I had with a nonsmoker when I was a two-packs-a-day gal.
Anyway, Mr.twicks doens’t smoke much – I don’t smell it in the house particularly after he leaves – and doesn’t smoke in small spaces, like the car, so I can put up with it.
Actually, surprisingly, I find the smell of tobacco in his facial hair kinda sexy. This has certainly not been the case with past smoker boyfriends; some people wear that scent well. I also admit that, when I see him smoke, I generally smoke one too so the taste of tobacco won’t bother me. I also realize that this is how my brother, after being quit a year, started smoking again b/c his fiancee smoked. I’ll be careful.
Yes, Mr. Goofball is lots of fun. However, he is also 7 years younger than me, and like most 24 year old men, suffers from a lack of direction and innate confusion that makes a LTR fairly unlikely (this is not meant as a blanket insult towards 24 year old men-- I was similarly addled at 24). But summer’s coming, and with it my 70 day vacation, with which I plan to goof off with him extensively and enjoy it while it lasts.
Think carefully about that non-smoker clause. I didn’t want to date a smoker, but I did. Then I fell in love and married him. I wouldn’t change that for anything, but the pain of watching him smoke, and worrying if he’ll die at 58 of lung cancer like his dad did…well, I could have lived without that part…
Yep, smoking is a deal killer for me, too. I am one of those who do think that “kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray”. Nasty. And of course, smokers can’t smell it themselves.
Smoking is a deal-breaker for me also. In my single life, I would occasionally be greatly attracted to a guy – and then when I saw him light up, it all went away. I couldn’t live with a smoker – 17 years in the same house with my dad was plenty. Yuck.
I’m one of those who thought your list was a bit unrealistic, so I’m happy to learn you didn’t let it stop you from dating someone who doesn’t meet the criteria.
I think it happens that way more often than you’d suppose. A little over five years ago, I began dating a guy who was nearly the opposite of all past boyfriends and everyone I’d ever been attracted to. He was/is:
Not in the least bit artsy, theatrical or musically talented.
Short-haired, with its original coloring.
A Republican.
Interested in actually talking.
Oh, I don’t think marriage is in the offing for me and Mr. Goofball, and for the same reasons why he doesn’t meet many of my basic criteria. He’s too young to settle down, too poor to travel, too goofy to be taken 100% seriously (or to WANT to be taken seriously).
Let me just think about that for a second… So, if I say I will NEVER, EVER date a man who is brilliant, funny, sweet, and good looking, does that mean he’s going to suddenly show up and sweep me off my feet?
'Cause I’m thinking maybe I can trick the Fates with reverse psychology…
