TriPolar brings up a major pro and a major con regarding the party idea. Regarding the con, this could be bypassed by having a party away from your home. As for suggestions, my daughter’s last three birthday parties were at a community center, the Y (swim party), and the local bowling alley. The last two parties were particularly successful, and just in case money is an issue let me say that all these parties were on the inexpensive side (and this coming from somebody who is rather financially challenged at the moment). Just some ideas if you decide to go the party route. That said, I think it would be better to start small . . . a big party that flopped might just devestate your child. Work your way up in terms of size, see how your daughter does with individuals and then larger groups (the dynamics might be very different).
I would like to say, as a parent and as a guy who was not always popular in elementary school, that I truly feel for you and your daughter. Hang tough, okay? I’m sure things will get better.
That’s tough.
I was a kid who had a lot of trouble with friends, and it was extremely difficult. Imagine if every day you went to work, and your co-workers made a huge show of how much they hated you and how disgusting you were, and there wasn’t a single thing you could do about it. It wears you down. I had a happy childhood because I had a great, loving, supportive family. But the day to day of it was often absolute hell. It stays with you, too. Even today, when i have a wide range of friends, I still sometimes catch myself suspecting that nobody really likes me.
The things I remember helping were lots of non-school activities- camps, sports, whatever- where you can be away from your own stigma for a bit and even pretend to be someone else. For me, the only thing that really helped was time and punk rock. Middle school was unbearable, but in high school I was in a wider milieu, found more people like myself, and found punk rock- which gave me pride in my own “weird” identity and a built-in peer group. But that’s all a long way away, I hope you can find something that helps you now.
Does she have to make friends with people her age? I ask because when I was in grade school and middle school, I was one of those kids that got bullied and bothered and sort of tried to play by myself. Not entirely so, I had one or two friends, but I went home for lunch and didn’t socialize with the other kids outside of class that much.
I took up chess club. I started doing ham radio when I was in high school. I joined the Knights of Columbus when I was 20. I have a bunch of friends my own age now, but for a large point in my life I felt more comfortable hanging around with my mum, and my grandparents, and people that were older than me. They tend to be nicer to me, I have better conversations, and I didn’t need to worry about being teased or bullied. Now it’s more of a question of, “I’m not 19 anymore…I don’t want to go out drinking every single night like a stupid frat boy…why don’t people my age understand that yet? (I’m 25)”
I second the after school activity suggestion. I’d say individual sports like tennis or badminton are better bets, personally, since I still felt that herd mentality playing hockey and baseball as a kid. But whatever works!