Is it likely that the judge will not find for a 50/50 split of money and property? To my thinking, she should have to account for the money that was in the joint accounts and give Cell Guy his 50% share of the family home. Am I being hopelessly naive?
I can totally empathize, unfortunately. I am going through a very similar situation. My soon-to-be ex husband developed a dependency on prescription medication and in the end, when I’d finally had enough and demanded he get help, he told me to leave. And I did, with our daughter, who was 16 months old at the time.
That happened in October of 2009 and I waited to file for divorce until January of this year. He and his lawyer are totally unresponsive to my lawyer, which forces us to file various motions to compel, etc., they argue over every.little.detail and they are both generally assholes all around. He is dragging this thing out and it’s driving me crazy!
We are trying to get mediation scheduled (required in this state), but I think ultimately we’re going to have to go to trial. Which, at this point, is fine with me because I think any judge who takes a look at what’s been going on is not going to be amused.
What I don’t understand is that if neither one of us wants to be married to the other, then why drag it out? Why isn’t he just as eager as me to get this over with?
I think, in fairness, if someone needs a beating and they are of the opposite sex and over 18 and just need the goon hand, that a member of that same sex should be able to volunteer to beat the snot out of the person who needs it.
And with the women, since there are no rules in women’s fighting, it would have to be done in a pool filled with jello on a Friday night at the local bar. ( no long nails allowed.)
/against violence
BOT
She’s afraid to completely cut away from you because you are her safety net. ( $ and sex and stuff.) if Mr. Online Dude doesn’t pan out ( it won’t.). Cut her dry and walk away.
Aw, fuck that shit. Obviously the OP doesn’t have a “desire to hit women.” He has a desire to hit one very awful woman. And the fact that she’s a woman doesn’t matter to me (and I’m a woman). He just wants to slap a horrible person. Sounds like she deserves it. If the OP was a woman and had wanted to slap her man for having an affair and taking all of their money, would you have been up in arms over that?
And I’m not condoning beating the shit out of anyone, male OR female. But it sounds like the OP is completely reasonable in wanting to slap this person.
Really? In your anger and rage and amazement, you want people to go find someone of the same sex to beat your partner? The guy should be commended for not losing his temper. This may be second in absurdity only to the bestiality arguments on the board.
Thanks Alice for making the poor guy’s thread derail.
To add to my earlier comment, which completely strayed from the OP’s original posting:
Stay strong, man. This is a horrid situation, and I hope you have lots of family and friends nearby for support. Continue taking the high road, and hopefully the judge will see the situation clearly. A friend of mine recently went through a horrid divorce (her man cheated on her numerous times) and she wanted the divorce to be amicable - unfortunately, the arbitrator sided with her husband, and now she’s probably going to lose her house (the house where she is currently raising their two kids). Fight hard, if you need to. Or at least let your lawyer fight as nasty as possible!
I wonder if she does realize it and that’s why she’s dragging her feet. Maybe Mr. Overseas wasn 't so dreamy in person, or maybe she heard from some friends how the that divorce doesn’t give you back youth and freedom, it typically reduces your circumstances.
The other thing I wonder in scenarios like this is if in order to justify treating** Cell Guy** so shabbily in the first place she had to convinced herself that he’s awful. Now she believes it so much that she feels no qualms about trying to hurt him, or wanting to punish him or whatever the heck she thinks she’s doing by prolonging proceedings.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I’ve posted before about my first husband delaying our divorce with ridiculous (and costly) motions. (If she’s motivated by money and you live in a community property jusrisdiction maybe you could suggest to her that her half of the pile would be bigger if you didn’t have to spend so much of it on lawyers.) As unhappy as I ever was, and I did initiate the divorce, it never did, nor would it ever, ocur to me to lock him out of our home, or deny him access to his own stuff. I don’t know what happens in a person’s life that makes that seem okay.
No, you’re being sensible. But be aware that this is a jurisdictional question–different jurisdictions can have different laws regarding the property split. I would assume that most jurisdictions would legislate a 50-50 split of assets acquired during the marriage, but I don’t know for sure. (BTW, Cat, I do know that yours does.)
Of course, the parties can agree to something other than a 50-50 split on their own, but the important thing is that they have to agree–one party cannot just unilaterally decide how things are going to be split, as the OP’s ex seems to be trying to do. If there is no agreement, the parties will have to fall back on the legislation governing how to split the assets.
Lighten up Francis.
Sorry, I’m not seeing any anger and rage in my comment. If I wanted to ‘get even’ with my husband all I would have to do is call.his.mother. It would destroy him.
( He is also a perfect gentlemen who is the one who keeps a few of his divorced friends from doing their revenge shit on their x’s after beers.)
Some people are blind to their own selfish behavior that destroys others in the process. She wants a divorce but is dragging her heels while waiting to see if Mr. Online will Pan out. (That’s my theory.) Legally you do what you can to extricate yourself from these vile cretins, but the emotionaly scarring runs deep. Having a fantasy of retribution on someone who has scarred you like this is perfectly normal.
Carrying out the act is wrong.
I was thinking along the lines of a couple of movies: Fight Club meshed with Throw Mama from the Train and something else kinda movie line plot.
I think this thread has been de-railed. It should be more about Cell Guy’s issue. I apologize if my first post took us off course.
FTR, I vote for a round of applause for Cell Guy’s restraint, and his reliance upon his attorney. He’s being strong and came here for perspective and support. He never mentioned slapping the hell out of her (I did, in relation to my own history - if you want find fault, direct it here).
Cell Guy, you’re doing it right, playing it straight. Just don’t let yourself get victimized - being a man doesn’t mean you can’t have your mental ass kicked by a woman. The John Wayne meme doesn’t work in the real world.
Good God, Alice. Do you always have to shit on some poor schlub who’s going through a splitup? Are you so attention starved you have to show your fat warted ass and flap your fecal coated gums every time you perceive some remote tenuous threat to a woman? How the fuck else did you think a guy would feel who’s being as patient and passive as he can while being constantly screwed over? Again, you have got to be the densest bitch I’ve ever seen online. Just slap yourself so you can pay the karmic debt of both sexes.
So, it was tequila tonight, eh, Knowed Out? 
Cell Guy, I hope your lawyer asked the court for attorney’s fees in your petition for divorce (along with 50% of all marital property). The ex dragging her feet is costing you money and most courts take a real dim view of her kind of behavior. You may (depending on her/your financial situation) get awarded attorney’s fees, too, but you have to have asked for it.
Every motion to compel your attorney files should also ask for it. This crap should not be necessary, and the only ones who benefit are the attorneys.
Good luck to you.
Knowed Out: If you think someone says something inappropriate, report the post.
If you have a problem with the person who says something you consider inappropriate, take it to the Pit.
Personal insults like this are not appropriate in MPSIMS. Don’t do this again.
twickster, MPSIMS moderator
I agree, carrying it out is wrong, but wanting to is 100% justified, even human.
Because of your movie references, we should be friends :p.
OP I’m seconding asking for your lawyer’s fees to be paid by her. This should have been a simple, under 1k splitting of assets situation.
Good to see everyone’s been behaving since I last posted 
.
I went to the house today accompanied by the police to get my stuff back. Her lawyer was notified that I was at the house and that she could come let me in or that a locksmith would do the honors. That’s when we found out why she cancelled the meeting–she’s visiting Mr. Online! As the locksmith was doing his thing I told my lawyer since the ex is away it would be a shame to let the house stay empty and she agreed. The locksmith cut me a key (I didn’t change the locks–I don’t want to open that can of worms) and went to get my clothes. Before they left one of the police officers gave me his direct number and said to call when she gets back in case there’s any problems.
As I was sitting in my kitchen eating dinner the front door opened and in walked one of her co-workers. She was obviously surprised to see me and I informed her that she was not welcome here. She told me that the ex asked her to watch the house while she was gone and I told her that would not be necessary. I also told her that it was my house, she needed to give me the key and that if she did not the proper authorities would be called. She handed ove the key and left.
About ten minutes later my cell phone rang. The ex was furious, demanding that I leave the house immediately. I told her that any communication between us at this point had to go through our lawyers and hung up. It was a very satisfying feeling to finally fight back.
Soon afterward the satellite cut out, and shortly after that the internet. She can’t turn off the power, gas or water since as the bills on the counter attest they are still in my name (at least they are up-to-date). So I’m sitting in my favorite chair having a drink and a smoke and typing this on my iPad. It’s good to be home!
To address some comments:
I am going to counseling and it has helped me learn a lot about myself.
I have been dating–nothing serious, just enough to get out and have some fun.
Yes, my lawyer has asked for the ex to pay my legal bills.
And yes, we have an accounting of the money she took from our joint accounts and I will be getting my share of it in the end.
Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to lay down in my bed and get a very restful nights sleep!
EX-cellent!
Enjoy, stand up for your rights, and move on with your life!!
I am not completely comfortable with you getting comfortable in your old house - I’d get everything I wanted to get out of it as soon as possible, and expect your ex to come raging back as soon as she can get there.
Here’s what I love about you hanging out in the house: It’s completely ruining her fairy tale vacation. Wouldn’t it be nice if she loses her temper in such a way that allows Mr. Online to see her for how she really is?
It’s not his old house. It’s his house. As much as it is hers. She just seems to have some inflated sense of entitlement to it.