My Divorcee Aunt is ruining my family!

In My Humble Opinion
1

My Grandpa died a few years ago, and since then my Aunt has helped my Grandma with managing her money. My Aunt has also divorced since my Grandpa’s death. She was given a huge alimony. Her ex husband got remarried and the alimony stopped. So, now my Dad thinks my Aunt is somehow using my Grandma’s money without telling anyone. He was drinking enough at her Christmas party this past year to confront her about it. It ended with her saying that he is not her brother anymore and we got a cab back to my Dad’s house. They haven’t really talked since. Now, Memorial Day is huge in my family because it was right around my Grandpa’s birthday. My Aunt has decided to hold the party at her house. She wants my Dad to go, but won’t formally ask him and instead texted him. He has ignored it (I know cuz they are group texts) and says he’s not going and that she needs to set things strait with him.

So, my opinion is always going to be with my Dad because he is my rock. However, I answered the text too fast to realize my Dad isn’t going and I promised to go. I don’t really want to go without my Dad.

Another thing… why do all divorcee women go bat crazy? She used to be a good down to earth person, and now its really hard to talk to her and she is wild as hell. I just don’t know what to do.

2

So your dad got drunk and without any proof, accused your aunt, whose only “crime” appears to be being divorced, of stealing/misusing your grandmother’s money?

I don’t think your aunt is the one “ruining” the family.

If you don’t think you can go and be civil, don’t go.

3

Hijack
Why did ex-uncle stop paying alimony when HE got married? And was it legal for him to do so?
/Hijack

4

Yeah, that’s not how alimony works, AFAIK.

5

Handled in order of appearance:

  1. Your divorcee aunt is not ruining your family.

  2. Your father got drunk and accused her of embezzling from their mother. Without some sort of proof, that counts as a foul. Maybe a “I have no brother” foul or maybe not, but definitely a foul.

  3. You say “they haven’t really talked since,” but then you mention that your aunt has included him in texts. So, really, your dad hasn’t spoken to her.

  4. You declare that you’ll always be with your dad. Even when he gets drunk and accuses family members of committing crimes against other family members and then refuses to talk to them when they make an overture of peace.

  5. So, don’t go. Text your apologies and a polite excuse. Don’t make a big deal out of it.

  6. Not all divorcee women go bat crazy. Not all brothers accuse their sisters of stealing their mother blind. Not all families put up with this kind of nonsense drama.

  7. You don’t have to do anything. Your father’s and aunt’s relationship is not your responsibility. If you really and truly believe your aunt is stealing from your grandmother, you need to speak to your grandmother. If your aunt is spending your grandmother’s money, and your grandmother is okay with it, then it’s none of your or your father’s business. Granny ain’t dead yet, and the will has not been executed.

To sum up:

Your aunt is not ruining your family, but it sounds like your father is giving it the old college try. You can get wound up in the drama, or you can refuse to participate. If you participate, you’re going to lose other members of the family as sides are taken. If this spat boils over, it does have the potential to ruin your family, and you jumping up and down and calling your aunt bat crazy and wild as hell is only going to help it along.

6

No, but alimony can be quite temporary, maybe the expiration and remarriage coincided?

7

Or the alimony was meant to be temporary, but there wasn’t a stipulated end date. Ex got married and the new wife speaks up. “This has gone on too long. Go back to court and get this adjusted.” If it had been a year or two, or if the rules for alimony had changed, a judge would have authorized a reduction or cancellation.

8

Do people really still say “divorcee?” Does this take place 1961 and is Ralph Malph involved?

9

Wow, unless Grandma expressed concerns to your Dad he was way out of line to accuse your Aunt, not to mention stupid and cowardly for only doing it while drunk. Chances are good that your Aunt has assumed the role of primary caregiver and is doing a hell of a lot more for Grandma than just helping with her finances. Your Aunt is probably your Grandma’s “rock” now that your Grandpa is gone, get it?

10

Divorcees are hot to trot.

Anyway, if your father was so concerned about the grandmother’s money,OP why didn’t he ask for an audit of her estate? No one can complain about that (unless, of course, they are misusing funds under their control) and there would be no need for accusations. He would have to pay for this out of his own pocket; but then again, what’s piece of mind worth?

Get the audit.
Find out the truth.
Apologize if necessary.
File lawsuits if necessary.
Go from there.

11

No honey, your drunken father is ruining your family.

12

Could be. I have an insistent feeling that we’ve all been here before.

13

People, pick up
on what I’m puttin’ down now

Welfare mothers
make better lovers

Di-vor-ceee!

14

You saved me all that typing. :slight_smile: What phouka said.

15

She go crazy
Got to make a getaway
Papa say

Oh - no hesitation
No tears and no hearts breakin’
No remorse
Oh - congratulations
This is your Haitian Divorce

16

So, I know you can only go off of what I give you, I thought there would be more of a question and answer thing before so many so wrong conclusions were drawn. But, that’s my fault for not being more thorough.

One big thing I left out is that my drunk uncle lives with my Grandma. He literally does nothing with his life, and Grandma does nothing but complain about him, but she won’t put her boy on the streets. This is one reason my Dad is worried about the money, because what’s going to happen to him once she’s gone?

Also, Grandma complains about everything, and yes she has said things to my Dad about money.

And, all my Dad wanted was to not feel betrayed by my Aunt, whether he made that up in his head or not, she’s not willing to show him records, and my Grandma is 81 and too far gone to know what’s what. He’s not worried about money, he makes plenty of his own.

Anyways, I just had a real long talk with my Aunt. A good adult chat. Yes, my Dad is an alcoholic and he is getting more paranoid as he gets older. She is my Dad’s younger sister btw. I know he can get mean when he drinks, so it really hit home to me when he is unwilling to go to her party when he’s sober. He’s fixated. He’s got something in his head he can’t get out. I was just hoping for once she would be the bigger person and put his mind at ease, but fat chance with her. Ever since her divorce, she’s been nothing but manipulative. I wish I could get him to just believe her, but fat chance of that either.

I feel like most of your answers were sort of defensive and unhelpful. I’m still at a lose of what to do. I can’t just not go to her party, but I can’t just leave my Dad home alone. I told her I will find a way to make him go, cuz he’ll listen to me.

Another part of this is that I recently moved away, and I don’t think my Dad is handling it very well.

I selfishly just want this all to just go away and pretend it never happened. That’s what my Aunt is doing, and that is further pissing off my Dad. Its to the point he doesn’t even let her know there is something wrong. He just gave up and lets her think everything is ok. Nothing is going to get fixed that way, but he is tired of her and her bullshit. He’s just done, wants nothing to do with her.

So, you see, they both will talk to me and confide in me. Does anyone have something helpful to say? (Not that all of you were unhelpful, some were)

17

I guess I should also mention that my family is extremely close, so it is very very odd that my Aunt wouldn’t share this info with my Dad.

18

I’m still confused as the what the Aunt has done wrong. You say he’s tired of ‘her and her bullshit’, but haven’t given us anything to go on to give her any fault here. What you’ve described is a paranoid, aging alcoholic father who has decided his sister is stealing from their mother. He started a huge fight that escalated to both of them behaving badly and won’t let it go, while she seems to be willing to. If he won’t even tell her there’s a problem, then that is totally on him.

The best advice I can give is to tell them they need to talk to each other, putting yourself in the middle isn’t going to help anyone in the long run.

19

I guess I’ll just have to wait and see how this pans out. Hopefully I can convince him to go, but he’s stubborn as all hell. I’m just scared that if I don’t step in and stop him from continuously shutting people out, he just won’t be here one day. Like he is putting himself in an early grave, one I’m not going to just sit back and watch fill.
Errr my hands feel so tied, and being from a distance makes it all worse.

20

This. Stop allowing yourself to be put in the middle of their squabble.