My friend is convinced that...

…your eyeballs WILL pop out if you sneeze with them wide open, despite me showing her this article, written by of course, our Perfect Master, Cecil Adams.

…her parents are the stupidest and naive people in the world.

…she’s the only one who’s right about everything.

…she’s in love. And she’s 15 years old.

Okay, maybe she is in love. I don’t know. I’m not her. But the way she talks about “being in love” with this guy in 11th grade (we’ll call him John) who she’s only known for less than a year is a bit unnerving for me. And my friend isn’t the kind of girl who “falls in love” with any ol’ guy. In fact, she thinks its “so evil and disgusting” that my other girl friends and I call random guys we see on the street “hot” (we don’t go up to the guy and say, “Hey you’re hot” or anything, but you know…). In fact, my friend doesn’t even drool over hot male celebrities! She thinks that’s disgusting, too. And over the four years that I’ve known her, she’s had a crush on a guy exactly twice.

It’s so uncomfortable for me to sit there and listen to her gush over John and be all melodramatic about him not showing any interest in her and how she used to think he liked her, but then she found out he was formerly interested in me, but not anymore and now she thinks that the world is a “cruel, painful and cold” place. I mean, yes, the world can be painful, but…we’re only 15. And she’s a Christian, so she drags God into a lot of things we talk about. This is what she said about God and how He’s concerned with John: “When I was a little girl, I made a list of all the qualities I wanted to see in the one for me. And now I realize that it’s like God took that list and made [John] just for me.” Then there was the time where she asked God to give her a sign with birdseeds…she asked him that if she had already found the one for her, then the seeds will be eaten before winter starts and they were eaten before winter started. Then there was that time where she told me, “I can’t imagine how I’ve lived my whole life without him. I don’t know how I managed to get this far in life without him.” (Yes, she really said. Those exact words.) Oh, and also? She’s soooo convinced that she knows him soooo well. He would say something in a conversation and she’d say, “I knew he’d say that! I know him soooo well.” And this has happened multiple times. And finally, there was the time last week when she told me she saw two girls in ninth grade saying goodbye to him (he was leaving for Hong Kong after exams) after our last exam was over. Then she proceeded to tell me that the two girls gave him a hug. So I said, “Why didn’t you give him a hug when you were saying goodbye?” And she replied, “Because I don’t think I would ever let go…” (Yes, those were her exact words, too.)

This is the kind of stuff she’d tell me about in every single conversation I have with her. And yes, she’s said, “I love him. He’s the one for me” in multiple conversations with me.

I hope I don’t seem insensitive. If she really is in love, then that’s great! She’s lucky to have found the guy so early in life. But, the way she talks about him is so uncomfortable for me. So, um, I kind of need your help, Dopers, in learning how to deal with this and keeping my sanity because this ranks up there right beside the whole Katie Holmes-Tom Cruise thing in my Uncomfort-O-Meter.

She’s in love but he’s showing no interest in her? ooooooookay…

Wish I had some advice for you. All I can come up with would be brutal honesty or changing the subject. How crushed would she be if you said you didn’t want to hear about him any more - perhaps a tad more diplomatically than that. Good luck.

Sincerely, one of the worst things about being a teenager…other teenagers! :smack: This girl sounds far too delusional for you to be able to talk any sense into her, but it seems likely that she doesn’t know John all that well. She may gradually come to know him and realize he’s not really Mr. Right.

I agree. It may be a case of falling in love with an idea of a person, rather than the actual person.

Sounds like she watches waaaaaaaaay too many soap operas. It also sounds like she’s completely delusional.

“God made him just for me.” Um, sure. In between providing touchdowns to NFL players.
“I can’t imagine how I’ve lived my whole life without him.” Your not with him now, Laura freaking Ingalls.

Tell her to wake up and live in the real world. And smack her in the back of the head each time she sneezes for me.

And just what, mister smartypants, makes you think she’s going to sneeze for you?

Sorry, I just can’t pass up a good straight line …

Yeah…more or less what these guys have said. You can’t tell a drama-queen that she’s deluding herself because that’ll make you one of the bad guys. She may even accuse you of trying to steal him away (I’ve seen that happen before). IMHO, no one really has any clue what love is until you’ve had your heart ripped out and stomped on (possibly more than once). She has no idea that she’s talking about infatuation, which is totally distinct from love dealing with commitment or friendship.
She also strikes me as incredibly naive. So, I’d say get ready for some sort of huge, bawling, falling out where she realizes finally that Captain America doesn’t notice her and that life isn’t fair. The best part is where you get to try to explain why God did it to her, because it can’t possibly be her fault (and in reality, I suppose it isn’t).
Meanwhile, try to subtly nudge her away from thinking about this dude so much. Maybe even drop some hints that she should consider meeting other guys. At church, for instance. Out of curiosity, what do YOU know about this guy? Is he nice, is he mean, is he oblivious to all? Always a tactical advantage to know your subject.

You showed her TSD? Dude, show her to LiveJournal!

Fight teen hysterics with teen hysterics: every time she mentions John, burst into tears and choke out, between sobs, that you are just so jealous that she’s found her Mr Right and it is so hard for you to watch her be happy when you are so lonely.

When you’ve “calmed down” a bit, ask her to please be more considerate of your feelings and not talk about John quite so much.

If she brings him up again, look sad for a moment (bonus if you can quiver your lip), sigh, then change the subject.

Well, John’s a bit of a quasi-friend because I only started talking to him over my school’s missions trip to Europe. And my friend has a supposedly “suicidal” friend who probably isn’t really and is just doing for attention and she told John all about this friend of hers. So I was talking to John about my friend’s friend and he said he admitted that he finds her a bit annoying because she’s always apologizing for things like, “I’m sorry I ruined your life by telling you about my suicidal friend” and “I’m sorry for butting in about that argument you had with my other friend”, blah, blah, blah. And he also thinks that she’s a bit self-righteous, which she is. But he has no idea how she “feels about him”. He’s a very nice guy, but he’s like that with everyone. And before I started talking to him, my friend also made it sound like he was only nice to her.

During our Europe missions trip, my other friend (who we’ll call Melissa) and my friend (we’ll call her Susie from now on) had this really long conversation about John and Melissa was like, “Oh, I think he likes you because he’s always been there for you!”

I don’t know what else to say…

And Susan? That sounds like a marvelous idea because I can practise acting, which I love to do.

Warning: some people who claim to be suicidal at 15 or who are thought to be suicidal by other 15-year-olds actually are. Better to take it seriously until you have evidence to the contrary.


:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Yep, she’s definitely 15. Hopefully she’ll grow out of it.

Until then, my vote goes with SusanStoHelit - I think that’s the only way you might possibly get her to shut up. Talk about how it’s not fair and how it hurts so much and how you’re so sorry but you just can’t hear about her and John while you’re so alone.

If you start dating anyone before she gets over John, though, she may just start right up again.

I wouldn’t scoff too much about her “being in love”. I’m old now, but I’ve never been more in love than I was when I was 15 and she was 14. The situation wasn’t exactly the same as you describe because in my case the feelings were mutual, and we did “go together” for some time. Eventually, time took its toll and the deal blew apart, but I have never doubted that it was love while it lasted.

One-way love, I don’t know about. But yes, a couple can be in love in their mid-teen years. :wink:

You know how you’re never supposed to say anything bad about a friend’s ex, especially if they’ve only just broken up? I had a perfect record on that until three years ago when my cousin Kim, literally a drama queen (theater major), finally broke up with what’s-his-face. The things she told me about him! There was no way Kim would go back to that guy if even half of what she said was true. So I said something along the lines of him being a nasty brute and she was better off without him.

The break up lasted almost three weeks. Now I have to look at that guy every time the family gets together. I know too many things about him to ever look him in the eye again. He knows I know, and Kim knows about both of us knowing, so she’s decided to be angry at me for saying bad things about her daughter’s father. Awkward does not even begin to describe how awful it is.

Just smile and nod until you hear something you shouldn’t. That’s when cells on vibrate, wink wink, are good to have. You’ve gotta take this call! I don’t usually advocate lying, but some times…

You people aren’t paying attention!! The bird seed! The Bird Seed!!! It was all eaten before winter!! God wants these two to be together. No doubt about that. Stop pissing god off.

Well, I’m not scoffing or bashing her or anything, but it’s just…mildly annoying, I guess. I can’t really talk to her about anything. Well, I never could talk to her about anything anyways because she’s such a drama queen about everything. And she’d just go back to talking about John, somehow.

And yeah, what about the bird seeds? :confused:

Have you ever thought about letting this friendship go? She sounds like more trouble than she’s worth.

oh come on. She’s a goofy insecure teenager. Not really an offense worth cutting of a friendship for. There’d be none left.

Eventually reality will set in for our Susie, and having a wise friend such as DareDevil in her court then may be very valuable.


Just wanted to reinforce this. Not certain that there would be anything you could do about it–and indeed it might indeed just be an attention thing–but best to keep it in mind. At 15, suicidal feelings would most likely be a result of depression (which can be dealt with via medicine) or some sort of abuse at home (which can be dealt with by adults.) Be discreet and don’t work up more theories than you have real evidence for, and no one needs to feel embarrased talking to school advisors about anything.

I don’t mean to harshly cut off the friendship, but possibly drift away from it. I find drama queens to be a real pain in the ass. YMMV.

This sounds to me like a crush.

This is the nice part of the crush.

Soon, the bad part of the crush will come.