Yeah, I do have a few larger problems right now.
That’s usually true, but it doesn’t excuse the fact that the GF’s father lied–or at least seriously misrepresented himself. I think clayton_e’s got it right when he calls it a trap.
Another kind of trap is to ask the kid a question where you know he is stuck between lying and causing the parent to throw a shit fit. Example–a friend of mine from freshman year at college had maybe 2 beers his whole first semester. At Christmas, his mother asked him, “did you drink at college?” My friend considered lying, but ended up “doing the right thing” and telling her the truth. She flipped out, grounded him for the rest of break, threatened to pull him out of school, etc.
Anyway, your situation really sucks, and her parents are very much out of line. If they feel that she should not be having sex yet, they have every right to express their disapproval. But death threats and attempts to sabotage the relationship? Not ok.
FWIW, I went to Planned Parenthood when I was 17 for birth control. It was a very positive experience, and they are quite experienced when dealing with teenagers in your situation.
For some reason, I have this urge to tell you to “keep up the good work.” I have no idea what I mean by that, but you can be sure that I mean it sincerely. 
Yikes, the mother joined in the ranting, huh? Y’know, Mom always told me the same thing, “If you were going to have sex, I’d rather you come to me first, blah, blah, blah…” Reading this makes me glad that I waited until I was out of the house and had met the now-Mr. Naz.
Well, you’ve got a couple of options here. If they’ll still let you see each other, do it. Make your time together count, even if you decide that it’s not such a good idea to have sex (given the situation, I’m not sure that’s a great idea). Hold the relationship together and treasure your time together. Then, when you’re both 18 and out of the house…well, I think you can see where I’m going with this…
I am impressed (and pretty amazed) by your maturity.
If you do decide to still seek out the pill, it might be a lot easier than you’d think. I don’t know where you live, but in California, at least, it’s pretty easy to get birth control through one’s health insurance without the holder of the policy knowing. All I did was make an appointment for a pap smear (which she should be doing anyway if she is sexually active) and mention that I’d like to talk about birth control. I was seventeen at the time. The whole thing took no more than an hour. It was a little scary to be taking on such adult responsibility, but I’m sure two people as mature and responisble as you can manage.
There is nothing like having the comfort and security that reliable birth control can bring. Plus, the pill made my evil cramps of doom go away, thus convincing me that it is the best thing that medical science has ever created.
Chances are her dad will cool down eventually. The mental image of his little girl getting it on with some guy probably freaked him out a bit. But how many people do you know that have been told “you are grounded forever”? Are they still grounded? Extreme punishments are usually based on emotional reactions, and rarely last long. When school starts, they won’t be able to keep an eye on her at all times, especially if she is a senior, and chances are they will run out of energy to say “no” every time she wants to do something. Although you may not get back into her parent’s good graces for a long time, I am almost completely sure that within a month or two you will be able to see her without unreasonable restrictions.
Good luck to you two. Keep us posted.
Her dad certainly has an interesting way of assisting the two of you with birth control.
My condolances to you and your girlfriend.
Ooo -winces- That’s always fun… Glad to hear you are being responsible about it though. My first time I wasn’t on the pill, but we did use a condom. Since then I have been on the pill though.
It is pretty easy to get the pill, as was suggested go to Planned Parenthood or find something similar in your town. We have the Birth Control Centre here where I went… I couldn’t tell me Dad I was having sex now (I wasn’t living with him… haven’t since I was a young girl) but I was on his medical plan as he was still supporting me. The way his works though I had to give him the reciept, after paying for the pills myself, and he would send it in and get the money back. No way was I going to hand my Dad a reciept for BC pills. They can be pretty cheap though if you go through PP… at the BCC I pay only $7 per month of pills… all that they ask is that when you can find your own Gyno and start getting pills through them. She can also usually get her regular checkups done there too. I did.
I wouldn’t suggest lying to the parents… they have ways of finding stuff out (They all do… they always do…) But maybe hold off on it till they calm down and start letting you guys do stuff again. You’d have to wait about a month after she started taking the pill anyway because they recommend that you wait that long so it’s already a part of her cycle and can be more effective.
Good luck.
It looks like you’re being a perfect gentlemen despite adverse circumstances here. I would advise against going behind the parents’ backs, at least until you’re both legally adults, because if they find out you could be in some serious(er) trouble. Hold off, let things cool down, and hope for the best.
And watch your back. Your girlfriend’s dad might just be full of testosterone-tinged bluster, but you never know when he’ll decide that you looked at his daughter funny, and try to make good on his threats. I know that informing the police of his death threats would make it even harder to see your GF, but don’t let dear ol’ Dad get between you and the door.
“Trust us, we’re family.”
My wife, in her mid-50s still seethes about confiding in an aunt about teenage fantasies (all innocent), then discovering that they made their way directly back to Mom.
Clayton, first recognize that you’re in a strong position here: trust betrayed, death threats made against you, operating from a position of apparent innocence. I’ll coach the impossible: separate your next move from emotions. But it’s important to realize that you’re NOT dealing from a position of weakness but one of strength.
Personally, I’d have walked away from the entire situation at your age, seeking to minimize problems and maximize my strength in dealing with the complex situation.
If you choose to deal with them, there are two overriding factors:
- you and your SO are minors. That’s a transient issue.
- this is a very rocky start to a potential long-term relationship. a. It’s hard for children to break with their parents.
b. If a parent is this threatening early in the relationship, I’d start to document things now. It may sound cruel, but it may be necessary to protect you legally in the future.
Don’t take 2(b) lightly – a single threat is excusable by law enforcement officials. A pattern of threats escalates the issue.
Best of luck in whatever you decide!
There has been a lot of debates about the age of consent on the SD, and I remember quite clearly that at least in some US states, a 18 yo having sex with a 17 yo is still commiting statutory rape. If I remember correctly, some posters mentionned some horror stories (jail time, older guy registered as sex offender, etc…)
So, perhaps it would be better to check it before assuming that having sex with a 17 yo isn’t a crime in your state when you’re 18, as stupid as it could seem.
Wow, clayton, that sucks.
My mom also asked me to talk to her first, and I did, and she just made sure I was going to be on BC, but still let me sleep over at my bf’s apartment. I guess I’m really lucky.
Hmm… advice… if I were you, I woudn’t go behind her parent’s back. It’ll only give them more fuel to hate you later on. When you go to college, are you two thinking of going to the same place, or places close?
Laurange, I’ll be where you are and she won’t be too far away (but not with her parents)
How low can you get?
BTW, how soon until you’re both 18?
That really, REALLY sucks.
Clay, you are a great guy, and your GF seems cool. The problem lies with her parents. I don’t know what to say. According to your OP, they seem like hypocrites, especially if they recount wild, debauched 70s parties (just my assumption).
If I had a daughter, I’d hope she would date someone like you. But you can’t pick and choose your kids’s SOs. My mother hated my first BF - who is now my best friend. She didn’t like BF #2 either. Whatever. I’m an adult, and I can make my own decisions. Soon you will be too, Clay.
I don’t know what else to say. This is kind of (obviously) out of my realm of experience. But you have my number and can call anytime.