Really? How many times does it have to be said that the issue isn’t the strip club per se, or even what he did there, but the fact that his wife perceived him as knowingly choosing to hurt her. Some people have responded that what he did at his bachelor’s party qualifies as cheating, and therefore it was wrong and DoperChic is justified in her emotions. Others have responded that what he did would not qualify as cheating in their relationships (including mine) but since it qualifies as cheating in their relationship, DoperChic is justified in her emotions. In any case, THAT’S NOT THE POINT. What is permissible in anyone else’s relationship is completely irrelevant to DoperChic and her husband. If they’ve agreed that they are not allowed to have orgasms with other people, then having an orgasm via lapdance constitutes cheating within their relationship.
I get the feeling, though, that they had never explicitly discussed what was and wasn’t permissible, and that’s a big part of what lead to this drama. What CrazyCatLady said about the differences between how men and women think (especially about emotions and relationships) rings true to me, as did what Stranger On A Train said about the differences between male and female sexuality. Bridging those gaps to create a happy, sustainable, long-term relationship takes a lot of communication. It also requires each partner to respect those differences, not judge them or try to change the way they think and feel.
DoperChic’s husband may never understand on an emotional level why she was so upset by his behavior at his bachelor party, or why she was upset when he went to another strip club for his friend’s bachelor party, but he should try to understand on a logical level and respect her feelings. And DoperChic may never understand how he can have sexual feelings without attaching emotions to them, but she should respect that it’s so and not see it as something that needs to be fixed. (Not that DoperChic necessarily sees it that way, but a lot of women seem to.) In any case, I think both DoperChic and her husband need to work on discussing their expectations and feelings openly with each other.