My leg came off and there's blood spurting out in jets, any advice?(ASAP!)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I was just playing with my pet Mamba and it bit me. I can’t remember if mambas are venomous or not. Can any of you help?

22

Does human flesh count as a chemical fire, and if so, what’s the best type of extinguisher to use? Need answer ASAP.

23

Put it through a paper shredder

24

Whats the biggest magazine I can fit to my dads gun and still get into my schoolbag?

25

I’m vacationing in Afghanistan with two of my buddies from work. We got kidnapped by some locals who called us “filthy infidels” and have cut of my buddies’ heads and fed them to some dogs. Now they seem to be arguing about who is to have the next turn with the sword and with the video camera. What do I ring on my cell phone to get 911 here?

26

Quick!
Junior was snacking on hot dogs and I think a piece might be stuck in his throat! He’s starting to turn blue!
Can I stick my finger down there and try to fish it out?
Help!

27

What’s the number for 911?

28

There’s no eleven on my phone!! What do I do?

29

I’ve found a Grizzly cub. How can I make him quit screaming?

30

Try 0?

31

I apologize in advance if I offend anyone. My mind is completely wrong today!!

HELP! Wire hanger is stuck and I cant stop the bleeding…
I bought a do-it-yourself abortion kit online and when I try to pull out the hanger it acts as though it’s caught on something and I cant see with all the blood gushing out. I dont have insurance and cant afford a hospital bill - what to do?

or

Strong fishy odor and greenish-yellow discharge - Something I ate?

32

Compound or complex fracture? Which one has the bone sticking out?

33

Will they send me a new phone with an 11? :smiley:

34

Wrong, yes. But induced a chuckle here.
Now about that discharge… Where is it coming from? (It might make a difference.)

35

I asked.
They hung up! :confused:

36

This is weird.

I can smell burning. I can hear a crackling sound. I feel really warm. And there’s a very loud high-pitch MIP MIP MIP sound.
Anyone know anything about this? No rush answering.

37

:smiley: :smiley:

38

oops, guess I should have added: tried douching & deodarant feminine pads - no luck! Boyfriend will be here soon… I heard eating sweets will help me taste better - should I eat that whole box of chocolates? and will it make my couchy smell better? Maybe I should rub chocolate down there too in hopes he will not notice…

39

Switch your toilet paper to Charmin. I heard something about that and cooches. Might help.
I’d suggest Lysol for the actual cooch.
Let us know how it goes.

40

The voice in my head instructed me to jump of this 13 floor ledge I am standing on. Should I ask for a second opinion?