My eye doesn’t want to go back in the socket - should I use a teaspoon or tablespoon?
Oops! Cut off two fingers with the table saw! How long can I keep trying to induce the dog to vomit before there’s no point anymore?
Cupcake’s been in the antifreeze (again!). If I give him a charcoal bricquet to chew on, will that take care of him until we can get in to see his regular doctor next week?
Mine told me to assasinate the Prime Minsiter. Anyone know where he lives?
Same question, but carotid artery.
Are humans kosher?
PIT THREAD: Why Can’t the Armed Burglar Currently Assaulting My Wife Learn to Bathe and Speak English?
If you call 911 they can tell you.
Only the ones with the cloven hooves.
And a related question: I can still change my mind as long as I do it before the blood on the contract dries, can’t I?
posting from my smrtphone so plz xcuse any tpyos
people stopping fast in front of me
must stpo
bttr to pump brakes or apply stedy prshure?
kthxbai
Tourniquet. Around your neck.
narm narm narm narm
How big does a meth lab fire need to be before you call the fire department? Also, will they turn around and call the police?
There’s a weird looking guy in the street with a hockey mask and a big knife - do you think I should go downstairs and lock the door in a minute?
Wait.
Have sex first.
And have a few beers or cocktails to calm your nerves. That ALWAYS helps in these situations.
My leg came off and there’s blood spurting out in jets, any advice about how to clean the stains of the carpets, and the furniture—and the walls— oh and also the ceiling?
Don’t forget the basement.
bannerrefugee, What color are the walls and carpet?
You do mean before my leg got caught in the industrial paper shredder or after?
I’m thinking steam cleaning but it might be hard to push the cleaner with only one leg. What do you think?
Have you thought of cutting off the other leg, so that you will be balanced relative to the steam cleaner?
Oh, and for future reference, a burgundy-coloured carpet will tend not to show up blood stains. But that would definitely be the wrong colour for the walls and ceilings.
Before. I can pretty much guess that they have an interesting glaze on them now.
If you’re having problems with the steam cleaner, you could always hook a hose up to your faucet and spray everything down.
I know when I’m stressed about things a nice long hot bath makes it allright. You could do that first…
Suddenly the letter between q and e doesn’t //ork because of all the blood… //hat do I do?