I’ve been having odd abdominal cramps all day. Now they’re about 2 minutes apart. And I have this odd desire to push. (push what?) Is it okay to take some pepto-bismal?
StG
Please do not press this button again!
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I drank this bottle of liquid, it says “Ebola Zaire” on the label, is this some new kind of sports drink or something?
Sometimes I see pint glasses with a yellowy-green liquid left on walls near pubs in the morning. Ok to drink?
Okay, so… I’ve been dating this really great guy for three years. I mean, he’s really great. Except that he’s depressed and we haven’t had sex for a while. I kind of got pregnant from a one-night stand I had just recently - those early dectection pregnancy tests are worth the extra money. How do I quickly seduce my boyfriend so he thinks the baby is his?
Tell him you obtained some of his sperm while he was asleep. Artificially inseminated yourself. And you’re going to leave and he’ll never see his kid ever…
… Then come back ten months later and say you changed your mind. His releif will overcome his depression (assuming he didn’t top himself)
Liar!
Dammit. Ok, so it is malfunctioning irregularly…!
I accidentally inserted Tab A into Slot C, and I think I perforated it. What should I do?
WTF? Met a hot girl at a party last night, hung out with her awhile, then started feeling a little weird. Just woke up in a hotel room bathtub full of ice with “CALL 911” written on the mirror in lipstick.
Question: If I watch a couple of pay per view movies before I split, do you think they’ll be able to track me down to pay the charges? What about the mini bar?
Bitten by a zombie and now I’ve got black streaks up my arm.
Shot of whiskey and sleep it off?
You need to remove your brains and wash the inside of your skull out with rubbing alcohol.
Then everything will be fine.
Been caught in nearby nuclear explosion: is it duck and cover, or is 1 out of 2 sufficient?
Hello, my name is Bosda.
<In Unison>Hi Bosda!</In Unison>
I’m a Lycanthrope.
But I can quit anytime I want to!
A psychic on Montel told me that I wasn’t getting enough polonium, only now that I’ve been taking polonium supplements for a week and a half, it turns out that she may have said selenium. Is there really that much difference?
Oh no! The dog swallowed the pin to my handgranade and I need a quick fix to replace it.
How important is it that my stove is making a hissing sound? My friends are coming over for a cigar-smoking party, and the noise is rather distracting.
The sluices have opened at both ends and I have to blow my nose. I only have a single kleenex. In what order should I use it?
I was at this really rad party and doing some really good shit and on the way home this inconsiderate homeless guy got stuck in the windshield of my car and came home with me. Now the car and him are in my garage and he is screaming at me.
How do I get rid of him?
Everything is getting dark except right in front of me there’s a bright light. It’s like I’m looking down a tunnel or a long hallway.
In the light I see my dead granfather beckoning me to come to him.
Do I need a new monitor?
I’m on vacation in Haiti and my friends paid for a call girl. Should I have used a condom to prevent pregnancy?