My wife has been dead over a year and a half now and I’ve done some dating, I really didn’t like it much. Things changed on Valentine’s Day last year. A friend talked me into a blind date, “You two would be perfect together!” I had heard it since Thanksgiving. I had been forewarned; KD had MS and was in a wheelchair I prepared myself, but I wasn’t prepare for the fact that she was blond and really HOT. KD was not really enthusiastic either. She had had a hard time, too, her husband died in an accident in 1999, she was literally going from day to day wondering why. I was rapidly approaching the same attitude, it’s easy to give up, I don’t know how she held out so long. We both went into this thinking that we would have some fun and go our seperate ways. It would be easy, she lived over a hundred miles away. We went out several nights in a row and actually talked…lust became admiration. She moved in the next week. KD has a wicked and cynical sense of humor.
Understand, I loved my wife, we were together 18 years, but we had some differences that just didn’t work real well. I go to sleep easily and early, wherever I happen to be and I start my day about 3 or 4 in the morning. I like to do things while the day is still fresh and nothing has had a chance to f*ck up yet. For 18 years I operated in the “church mouse” mode until 10 or 11 if I didn’t have anything to do and stayed at home after I woke up. KD was really annoyed with the “church mouse” mode. KD told me, “Wake me up when you get up, if I’m not up already, morning is the best time of the day.” We like to get up around 3 or 4 and do stuff, around the house or around the yard, it’s great. Some of you read the thread Naked Water Gardening. Since the I have taken bricks from the chimney of the old house that was here when I moved and made a patio. We got some adirondack chairs and go out in the mornings to drink coffee and listen to the owls raise hell in the swamp. The deer have started walking, there were 9 in the field this morning. I really like someone that doesn’t mind gettin up in the mornings and doing things with me before I have to go into the world. Life was not bad before but it on an amazing swing upward. I hope that things do not go FUBAR.
Congratulations, hlanelee! It is a rare and precious thing to find somone who compliments you and your personality, let alone a 2nd person after your wife’s death. You have begun the healing process.
I am so happy for you and your new love. She sounds like an amazing woman. And amazingly perfect for you. I wish you two many happy years.
I only know a bit more than the average person what it is like to lose the one you love. I watched my father die quickly from cancer when I was 11. The pain and lonliness my mother went through, even to this day, reminds me how precious life is. She married about 3 years later to a man who treated her badly, but would provide for me and my sister things we had never had before. She went through hell with him and I think it made her grief over my father more compounded. Since, she has found a wonderful man who in many ways is like my father, but in other ways she is more compatible with. They are very happy and have been married for over a year now. He treats her well, as she does him.
I don’t think, from the stories you’ve told, that this relationship will belly-up. I believe you have found someone who understands that you will have good days and bad; and fully recognizes that even when you do have those bad days, it in no way reflects your feelings for her. You have someone who understands your soul, and that’s a wonderful thing.
I am in no way a morning person, but neither is my husband. He prefers to work early in the morning only to get it done, but crashes on the couch for a nap before I get home from work. On weekends (until we have kids) we sleep in together, we lay aroud the house, or work on projects together. It’s wonderful to have someone who shares your waking-up time, even though we get up seperately during the week. It works for us and we know we have a few hours in the evening to enjoy one another and all weekend long.
Love is a beautiful thing. You are truly blessed to have found it twice in your life. Don’t let it slip away from you. Good luck and please keep us updated on how things are going. And enjoy those romps in the garden!
I’m happy to hear that you two are so happy. That’s very cool.
I have one question though? What time do you go to bed? Do you just not need a full 8 hours or do you go to bed at 8:00? Just wondering.
Right now my husband is suffering an extended period of insomnia. I feel for him. He’s miserable and our schedules are completely off which messes up so many other things.
Enough about me though. Good luck to you and your sweetie you crazy morning people. I used to call myself a morning person but 3 or 4 is like the middle of the night.
I generally fall asleep sometime about 8:30 or 9:30 watching TV then get up and go to bed later. I try to get at least 6 hours every 24, any less over time and I start hearing things that aren’t there.
My cousin’s daughter broke up with her boyfriend several years ago, and she had a rule of thumb: After breaking up, you should wait one month for every year of your relationship before committing to a new one, or run the risk of being a rebound. I think that it is particularly applicable to losing one’s significant other as well, and it seems to ring true. There is a certain process that has to work itself out. I’d say that you’re right on schedule.
Having a sweetheart who has also lost someone makes it a bit easier; you both know where the other has been. If I had one (unsolicited) word of advice to both of you, it would be to be careful when making references to your late spouse. No one wants to be compared to someone else, especially if it leaves that person wanting in some way. Oh, and by the way, a sense of humor will last a lifetime. You are very lucky.
Congrats on the compatibility!
Trust me - you don’t have to worry about me seein’ you nekkid at 5 AM. The only way to get my eyes open before 8 AM is with a bottle opener.
hlanelee - That’s wonderful! But do you let her drive the frying oil truck? Seriously, you’re very lucky to have fond love once, let alone twice. My best to you both. When will you get her to post?
Plynck - Don’t shut yourself off with some arbitrary number. My parents were extremely happily married for nearly 50 years, until my father’s death of cancer. Six months later my mother remarried one of his oldest firends, who’d lost his wife to a brain tumor. That was 6 years ago, and they’ve proven very happy and compatible. It was very hard for me at first to accept, but Jim is a very good man who makes my mother happy. And I just had to understand that she wasn’t happy alone. Do what makes you happy.
StGermain Sadly her MS progressed to the point that she cannot drive. Before I met her, though she could drive anything from motorcycle to a tractor trailer. She’s really impressive.
