On Wednesday nights I meet several dozen of my running and hashing buddies at a local bar. Last night when I arrived, all saw the bright new strawberry on the bridge of my nose. They all wanted to know how it happened. There were several reasonable explanations, but none of them was correct:
Fiver: I was out scouting a trail in the woods, and it got dark…
Paul: Oh, so you bumped into a tree branch in the dark?
Fiver: No. There was a big field full of briar vines…
Lisa: So what happened was you scratched your nose on the briars?
Fiver: No. I chopped through the briars with my machete…
Drew: Ah! So you lost your grip on the machete and it fell and sliced open your nose?
No! I finished working on the trail without mishap. I got back in my car and drove home. I bent down to rest my machete in the corner of my living room, which is next to the door to my office…
…then stood up and turned, and whacked my nose against the doorjamb. Not the drywall, the wooden jamb.
We’ve all had nosebleeds from the nostrils. I bet I’m among a small fraternity of individuals who’s ever had blood gush from the bridge of his nose before. Tycho Brahe, I feel your pain.
First things first: Fiver, you ARE an idiot. But that’s okay. Because while I didn’t have blood gush from the bridge of my nose, I did break it doing something equally stupid, and it’s all (tv announcer)…caught on tape! (/tv announcer)
I used to work in the office of a metals recycler. The office area was in the front part of the building, the factory behind. Employees had to walk through a back entrance and proceed through the factory to the front office. Well, I was trotting along, waving hello to some of the foundry workers, and tripped on the non-slip (ha!) mat in front of the door leading to the office. Then I fell face first into the wall. Okay, NOSE first. With the full weight of my body behind it, my nose broke my fall. And it also broke (a hairline fracture in the bone part, at the very top). After being taken to a clinic and having it looked at, I came back to work and the security guards treated me to a screening of the “Gundy fell into a wall” security camera tape.
You may still have me beat (with the blood ‘n’ all) but damned if I’m not one of few people who broke her nose falling into a wall.
Used to have a very straight nose. Now it has “character”. In the space of three years:
I use thrown into the shallow end of a swimming pool and did a face plant on the concrete bottom of the pool. Broke the bridge of my nose;
my sister threw a rock at me and broke the bridge of my nose in the very same place as the first incident; and
I tripped and fell face-first into a barstool. I had just entered the bar and was completely sober (my friends attested to this fact to a disbelieving ambulance attendant). Very same place on my nose.
Fiver, sometimes a broken nose can add character to a face. I’ve broken mine so many times that I am starting to look like a cartoon character.
Actually, the last three or four times the doctors are making it straighter.
And with the exception of the attention you are getting from the fairer sex on this board, a broken nose is not a, well, romantic injury like a broken arm, leg, bullet to the shoulder or the like. I mean you sit around with two black eyes and a ski run on your nose.
Even if someone kisses it to make it better, you can’t see her do it because your eyes are pretty much swollen shut.
As I remember, drinks with gin make a broken nose feel better. Well, until the next day, when the entire body has joined the nose in pain. But that is good too because you don’t notice the nose so much.
TV time, I didn’t break my nose, I only abraded and bloodied it. I almost wish I had broken it; then sympathy for the injury would have outweighed amusement at my stupidity. I mean, banging my nose into a door jamb! That’s like hanging drywall with airplane glue!
SexyWriter and xtal, you may line up ahead of Piper to kiss it better. Piper’s tongue is rough and scratchy (and stop it, SexyWriter, I see you snickering over there).
In light of subsequent events I’m not too concerned about the nose anymore, but it still really hurts.
Fiver, this is the second thread I’ve read of yours tonight that makes mention of your machete. is this a usual thing and I’ve jsut missed it? or is this a new fication? Should we be worried?
CJ
