How about jokes about ammendments to the Penile Code?
…or turn your head and cough…
Am I the only one who finds this a turn-on? As regards elfbabe, that is, not Quadgop. Whom I am sure is quite on-turning, but isn’t my type.
You know that commercial that has the guy telling complete strangers…’Hi, I lowered my cholesterol’…I am picturing Q doing the same thing on the way home from work…’Hi, I saw the strangest dick today…
Don’t you play golf? 
Well this student wishes she’d had you as a parent. I just opened my Atlas of Human Anatomy and I’m very very worried. :eek:
Great story, btw. 
Played it for a while, over 25 years ago. I found my accuracy improved if I kept my drives down to less than 20 yards.
And I don’t tell these stories in public to strangers! Although, I did get together with some old medical friends of mine, and recounted this tale and others, in a public area. The other people around us did get quiet and try to listen.
BTW, I did not mean to imply in my OP that I was actually consternated by this penis. The scenario was interesting, mainly combined with the tale of his quest for a larger organ, how he achieved it, and how he found that indeed this was not his heart’s desire. And I wanted to share!
A penistentiary, eh? Would that be under the jurisdiction of the Department of Erections, then?
If it’s the Dept of Erections, that would be jurisdicktion.
I made the mistake of being born to parents who were a Vietnam-tested doctor and a nurse/x-ray tech.
Everything from Vaginal warts to scrotal abcesses to ingested buck knifes to magotts-in-the-hemmorage stories were a standard part of dinner tables conversation from the day I was born. Just try to freak me out, just try it I dare you!
Well, I once had an email warning us about a new patient coming in who had a tendency to consume his own bodily excretory products. The warning began with the title Beware.
This caused me to compose the following poem (with apologies to Coleridge!):
And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on ickypoo hath fed,
And drunk the pee that’s not so nice.
It led to a dinner table recital of spontaneous poetry! Lovely quality time!
Ditto. My dad is a doctor and my mom was a nurse. As a result, when I was young, I knew I had an umbilicus. It was later on that I found out that I had a bellybutton as well 
Going fishing with dad? Anything we caught became an anatomy lesson. Found a dead bird in the backyard? Time for an autopsy!
And a tactless one would say “Holy Crap! A Bagel dog!”
*Sound free advice, BTW! *
This is the time of year when those frozen treats start showing up in your grocers freezer section, in preperation for holiday parties and so forth. I will NEVER be able to look at those things again without laughing out loud.
Honestly, I don’t know how you Docs can keep a straight face sometimes, facing what you do from time to time. It must be routine, routine, routine, then all of a sudden; He’s got *WHAT * up his rectum?!? I can only envision you guys saying; Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know *how * it happened!
(See Doc, I was getting out of the shower, and I slipped, and…) :dubious:
And thanks, Q! Threads like this are worth the whole price of admission!
The patient could go under the aliases of Dick Jerkins, Dick Thickens, Peter Long, Dick Payne, or Peter Hertz.
I’m so glad I paid the $5.
I took care a patient with a multitude of home made tattoos. The Most Memorable was the F U C K S T I C K on his …well you know, in extremely shaky writing…
In my most professional manner, I said "you have a lot of tattoos. Did they hurt much? He replied “some more than others” as he cast his eyes towards his stick.
I love that one. Like the excuses about how they got their penises (penes) stuck in a vacuum cleaner hose: “I was doing a little housecleaning in the nude and I slipped…”
Yeah, right. :rolleyes:
Heh. That reminds me of one of my favourite Chris Miller stories (from National Lampoon, sometime in the late seventies,) involving Bernie “Boom-Boom” Somethingorother, a hot date at an exclusive club that he couldn’t miss and would never have the opportunity to revisit, and poorly timed wank-session with a Hoover canister. Genius.
I didn’t realize such things happened in the real world.
Penile injuries from vacuum cleaners
From the British Medical Journal
5 July, 1980. p 26:
Lots more cases in the link!
Just went grocery shopping with mrAru today and had a case of the giggles at the bagel dogs in the freezer case. I am sure he was wondering what I found so amusing… 
You had patients with more than one penis ??? :eek: Please do tell us more !
That was always so weird to me; I’m trying to picture a Hoover Dustette and failing. My vacuum cleaner (an Eureka) has a good metre and a half of tubes and another 1,5 metres of hose, none of which has moving parts, before you get to the canister.
Not that I — well, I just — oh, God.