My dick (if i had a dick) is so big that
–no one ever feels the need to cry, “Cite?” when I talk about how big it is.
–parts of it lie yet undiscovered
–even Yo Mama bows down to it
–when I go to the beach people think a new species of whale has washed ashore
–I take it to the desert to sell shade
I’ve never measured mine. I prefer to “estimate”.
Of course I also “estimate” that a tooth pick and a cucumber are around abouts the same size as well.
My dick is so big that Stephen Hawking has a theory about it.
In all seriousness, the ladies comment on its splendid girth 
My dick is…non-existent. But I can still pee standing up. In a straight line.
MDISB that I’ve got Vietnamese prostitutes servicing me as we speak.
MDISB that it drives my truck and makes me ride shotgun.
MDISB that it has it’s own dick; and THAT dick is bigger than your dick.
MDISB that it casts a shadow… on the MOON!
MDISB that it’s featured in The Guiness Book of My Dick
MDISB that it’s photographed with a wide-angle lens… from orbit!
MDISB that the Alaska Pipeline is nervous.
MDISB that it jumped into the ocean near San Diego, and caused a tsunami to hit Australia.
MDISB that it has a seat on the U.N. Security Council.
MDISB that my wife had to train by climbing K2 before assuming the reverse-cowgirl position.
MDISB that it’s gravity affects the orbit of the earth.
MDISB that the distance from the earth to the sun will now be known as one “My Dick”.
MDISB that “The sun never sets on My Dick”.
MDISB that even Vic Mackey is afraid of it.
MDISB that if it was destroyed life as we know it would come to an end.
MDISB I cause eathquakes by slapping it on the ground.
MDISB when I blow my load, air raid sirens go off in china.
MDISB philosophers have been debating for ages wether or not it truly ends.
MDISB you need a helmet on to have sex with me.
MDISB the last lady I had sex with still hasn’t gotten down.
MDISB it contains within it multitudes of peoples, animals and plants. Entire civilizations have risen and fallen within it.
My dick is so big that sometimes condoms are too tight…not always but sometimes.
Paris Hilton said, “Ouch”.
“I felt that,” would have been enough.
Cite?
My dick is so big that New York requested I lay on my back rather than build a new skyscraper.
I’ve got no dog in this fight, but I wonder if, in Soviet Russia, your dick has you.
My dick is so big that the woman I had sex with tonight called out “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT MONSTER?!?!?”
when a Rottweiler burst through the window.
I beat it into submission with my dick.
MDISB it went into the Marianas Trench and I was in the surface ship.
MDISB it deflects 1920’s-style death rays.
MDISB Opal says hi to it.
MDISB it had sex with your dog and the ejaculation burnt it.
MDISB that afterward it cooled itself off in the Rio.
MDISB it smashes Og.
MDISB old inside jokes about it don’t make it look small.
My penis is not so big. Only about three inches. At first I thought those ads were silly, but it turns out to be as useful for hiking as I thought. On the plus side, misplacing it is much less tramatic to me than the guys in King Missle.
This thread strangely reminds me of this song by Da Vinci’s Notebook… and it describes me precisley! 
Well, I have never told anyone this, but in high school, the other boys gave me the nickname ‘Tractor,’ because I have a really Massy-Furgeson. Children can be so cruel.
MDISB that when I come you can measure the cosmic background radiation.
MDISB that it is laughing at the other posts in this thread.
I don’t normally participate in dick-measuring contests like this, but that’s mostly because mine is so large that it warps the fabric of spacetime.