My real, true confession -- By the poster known as Fenris

The BBQ Pit
1

All these years on the SDMB ah have been livin’ a little ol’ lie! Ah have pretended to be a shorter-than-average, hairy, Jewish, libertarian-conservative man who likes science fiction and cooking.

Ah have covered up my TRUE story because I feared I would be MOCKED and SHUNNED. Yes, Umkay and Jaymac were frauds, but look how they were POUNCED on. Shocking, shocking it is.

The truth is that my real name is Sheba Shayne. I am a Southern quadripligic black woman who lives in Kentuckie! I returned home after a very promising career as a police woman and tennis pro. I returned home to help my parents who were being threatened by thugs-they wanted to take over the family business. Christmas! I beat their mamma-jamma heads in until they promised to leave daddy alone!

After I saved them, my mother fixed me up with my high-school boyfriend Steve Majors. We were deliriously happy for several months ya’all, but then, one fateful fall day, we went skydiving. My parachute ripped and I was nearly killed in the fall. I underwent an experimental procedure to let me move again, and it worked…but only briefly…about 2 years. For the last 20 years or so, I have had a variety of trips overseas, I type using a special biofeedback device that straps to my head and reads my engrams, translating them into text on the screen.

Now I can’t go into too much detail about that silly li’l ol’ procedure as it’s classivfied, but otherwise, ah’m an open book. Possibly one by deah Mr. William Faulkner or Miz Margaret Mitchell, who we’all jes’ love to death heah in Kentuckie.

If you’d like, I can tell you more about my life before and after my accident–or, as I like to think about it–my opportunity. Because only by being handicapped, ya’all, do you TRULY learn compassion and stuff, ya’hear?

What finally made me decide to come clean was the unflagging willingness of a few brave souls to speak out and to believe any story, however bizarre or outrageous (not that, mine is, sugah!), I’m puttin’ this in the pit beacause I want to also speak out against those bad mammajammas who dared to question Jaymac and Umkay and to thank those open-headed people who got pissy and strident defending them and asking everyone to just give them a chance!

2

Black people don’t speak like this. Not even ones from Kentuckie.

3

when you masturbate w/ your head thingie on, what shows up on the computer screen? Does it capture images? What about in 3D? Do you have an online store where I might be able to buy something of yours that you no longer need. I don’t really have anything specific in mind, but maybe old undergarments or the like? Thanks in advance.

4

See? You’re a hater. Ah knew people would come in haytin’ on me–a poor quadriplegic black woman from the deep South. What do you know about being a downtrodden quadriplegic black woman who was once a tennis pro AND a cop from the deep south?

And all us black women spoke like that in the '70s. Didn’t ya’all ever see Shaft and Cleopatra Jones? I posed for the [url=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Tamaradobson-cleopatrajones.jpg”]. You might think Tamara Dobson did, but they’all didn’t think her legs were right for the role. That’s MY likeness.

I only hope some of those people who prayed for tolerance for Umkay and then for Jaymac come in here to lay some whup-butt on ya’all!

5

I tried warning you people about her, but did you listen? NO! And some people have gone so far as to claim that they have met this Fenris avatar in REAL LIFE!

R. A. H. would be ashamed…

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A photo of the real Fenris. Notice how she is strapped in, immovable. And she’s still wearing her badge…

7

Sheba Shayne, can you please post a pic of your car? (Or the bus you usually take, if that’s easier.)

8

something seems fishy about this

9

Largely John Shaft, Sweet Sweetback and of course my true love Steve Majors

10

Shhh. You’ll scare him off.

11

Welcome, and thank you SO much for sharing your truth with us.

Don’t listen to the h8rs. They lack compassion.

I know you are the REAL thing because you have a southern accent. Nobody could fake it that well. :wink:

12

What an inspiration you are Sheba! :slight_smile:

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My question required more imagination than your answer.

14

Don’t mind that. That’s the c^nt

15

Can you name some streets and businesses in Kentucky? If so that will confirm you are telling the truth.

16

Don’t get your knackers in a twist.

17

Ohh, are you English? I can hardly keep my knackers on when youse guys talk. Unless, of course I am knickered, then I just go to sleep. You can find me in my bunk.

18

I had a guinea pig named Sheba. She squeaked in southern dialect.

19

In the wake of Jaymac’s banning earlier today, I know what the OP is going for, but the attempt is a little over the top, and rather than being funny, I find the black dialect caricature somewhat offensive, but hey, be my guest and carry on.

20

She’s totally telling the truth because Sheba Shayne sounds like a real name.

If this was actually some short, Jewish guy trying to put one over, he would have made up some stereotypical “Southern Black Quadruplegic Woman” sounding name, like Boomsh’eka Washington, or something like that.

So this is totally the Real Deal, and you people otta show some respect.

And my cite is the fact that I drove through Kentucky once on the way to Cincinnatti, Ohio for a funeral. So I’m something of an expert on this.