My sister, the necrophile

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Not meant to be. Meant to be a humorous “wait until the end for the kicker” story. I’ve posted things like this before, notably “I became a man last night”, which I wrote specifically to intimate (collecting double-entendres" Get one here!) I’d had sex for the first time, when in reality I’d fixed a toilet. Many other “wait for the last line which will explain it” threads have appeared in MPSIMS.

Oh, she’s far from a new member:) I’m the only one in the family who’s strayed from the pack (know many women who wanted to be priests, RT? Well, ya met one:)).[sub]Aren’t you glad I didn’t ask about your “I eat dead people” Haley Joel Osment-esque practices?:D[/sub]

BTW, Bricker, I sent her the OP and she was amused. I dig on her sometimes and she digs on me sometimes. As long as we’re careful where we put the sharp part, it’s all good:)

22

I found Jesus and he said, “Tag! You’re it!.”

23

Ever research the parallels between Jesus and Elvis? Scary stuff.

http://jubal.westnet.com/hyperdiscordia/sacred_heart_elvis.html

:: ear splitin laughter ::

24

“Save me, Jeebus.”

25

That’s good enough for me…:slight_smile: I didn’t read it is as flame of your sister, BTW – not that it was any of my business in the first place. My apologies.

I’m from a large family (8 siblings). Knowing each other’s tender spots so well, we’ve had to form calluses on calluses.

26

He could’ve played guitar better than Hendrix, he could have told the future, he could’ve baked the most delicious cake in the world.

:smiley:

27

No worries, Fatwater:slight_smile: You’d have to know my sister and myself to understand the very strange dynamic we have (I used to eat dead people too;)).

28

As the person who pointed out the difficulty of dancing with gaping puncture wounds in both feet, I applaud thee, Paddy. With my non punctured hands :smiley:

29

He’s terrible at playing marbles. They keep dropping out of his hands.

And he bites his nails.

30

He takes the winner’s side in high school football games.

31

He walked on the water, and swam on the land. I mean, that’s so cool.

He could have scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky.

32

There was this one time, and a huge crowd of people in the village were standing around a woman, who was weeping and lying on the ground, and each villager was bearing a rock.

And He came amongst them and asked “what is happening?”

The people replied “this woman has been taken in adultery, and therefore she must be stoned to death.”

And He thought for a while, and then stepped forward into the circle of people. He stood by the condemned woman and said: "my brothers and sisters. This woman has been taken in sin. You see fit to stone her to death in accordance with the laws.

“But think. She has sinned, nothing more.”

And then He raised his hands and said: “Yet amongst you, who here is without sin? Surely, we are all sinful. So therefore I tell you: let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”

There was total silence. And the crowd, one by one, dropped their stones and rocks on the ground.

Then suddenly, from the back of the crowd, a small woman staggered forwards with a huge boulder on her back. She slowly carried the boulder into the center of the circle, and upended it onto the prone woman, killing her instantly.

And He looked at her angrily, and said “oh for fuck’s sake, mother, would you please stop showing off!”

33

Here it is.

I was at a dance party with Jesus once. The music was blaring and everyone was dancing, but He seemed to be having trouble. I asked what was wrong and He said, “Help! I’ve risen and I can’t get down!”

34

You aint seen nothing until you’ve seen Jesus do the Hustle.