Now it’s not just nonsense, it’s some sort of multiply-Babelfished text that makes just enough sense that I can tell what they’re pushing but only after some initial perplexity.
Just today I got these 4 jewels. They’re mundane, they’re pointless, and I must share them:
(Katzenjammers??
And you will be sentient from head to stomach, and everyplace additional? Well, I should hope I don’t wake up having been sawed in half.)
Phallus product?? Uh-uh, no way, demand authentic 100% unprocessed phallus
OK, Person Increment Internal Secretion = Human Growth Hormone. I don’t even want to know how they got “Soul Increase” in the title, that sounds to me like you need to throw some Marvin Gaye on the turntable, which would help with that “sexual purpose” thing (What, all sex must now have a purpose? What if I’m just doing it as a form of expressionistic performance art?). And, the “emblems of eld” sounds like the title of a medieval-themed or fantasy novel.
If I’m going to strain my penis I’ll try to do so by overuse, not by taking pills. But one thing’s sure, there definitely must have been some “grass” involved in this study. And I don’t think any jurisdiction will let you futz around with penises around anyone near an age of 4 years.
And of course there are these subject lines that reminded me “oh, yeah, that’s right nothing IS sacred any more…”
Subject: Let your debt answer to a higher power. Christian Debt Network
Subject: Jesus saves – and so can you with Christian Debt Network
(From the Christian Debt Network – “Saving Families from Debt”)
Subject: ChristianMortgagesUSA.com: Saving you more than your soul
I have about 200 spam messages by now probably. And thanks to Gmail I never had to block anybody. It’s funny reading the spam though, I did get stuff from the christian debt network.
I always thought this sort of pseudo-jibberish was put in there to bypass filters at the client end (and I’m sure it does that too), but apparently, a lot of SMTP servers will not allow multiple messages with identical bodies in the same session, so the spammers have some sort of program that constructs a different sentence for each separate message. The sentences are constructed to statistically resemble real ones in terms of distribution and frequency of word types etc. Quite clever really, at the same time as being utterly contemptible.
I get the Christian Debt Relief one every day! You’d think they’d have figured it out now, since I always delete it. Anyway - what kind of debt relief is Christian Debt Relief? I don’t get it.
Just like normal Debt Relief, only you don’t have to deal with them [ominous music]Jewish Bankers[sup]TM[/sup][/ominous music]?? ;j
In any case these amuse me since the original Biblical form of “debt relief” was simply a general amnesty every X number of years; and in the New Testament, Christian financial management was along the lines of you liquidating everything and giving it all to the congregation’s charity pool.
Neither of which is likely to impress even ChristianMortgage-dot-com when they come to auction off your house (and if they “lose another loan to Ditech”, does it mean Ditech is in league with Satan?).
They have re-randomized one of them, enabling me to compare them!
The Original:
The rewrite:
[quote]
Subject: Widen Member Pills
The MASS discovery in Herbaceous Knowledge has enabled
a squad of 20 meticulous physicians to set up a lozenge that
has been contrived expressly for Human Phallus Extension.
Some examinations that happend near a 2 year aeon displayed that
out of the 80,100 Males from around the Earth which participated,
the ordinary profit after 3 months of using my tablets
was 2.56 Centimeters!!
[quote]
OK, so Grass Study / Herbaceous Knowledge must have originated as “Herbal Science”. But the rearrangings of the numbers of researchers, years of study, number of subjects and amount of enlargement are cute (though their universe must have very small values for what is an “aeon”). And I was amused by the pitch at us to widen our members (as I always suspected…)