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Double standard. You think the father should budget so that worst case, he can still pay his bills even though he didn’t get paid. OTOH, you don’t expect the mother to budget such that if, say the OP’s son suddenly gets abducted by aliens and never seen again, she’d still be able to pay her bills.
No, in a perfect world, people would be sure they were on the same page as their sex partners in family planning, and be able to trust each other not to do something stupid. In our imperfect world, a “realistic” person would take responsibility on themselves for birth control, so as not to get into the situation your son is in.
And any mother who tells her son that birth control is the woman’s responsibility is setting her son up for major, major child support bills.
If the son was abducted by aliens then he has an excuse for not paying his child’s support on time. That’s not the case here.
And I don’t think anyone is excusing the stupid daughter-in-law. Had she posted an OP whining that the father of child #2 wasn’t paying his child support on time, and oh by the way, she’s pregnant with baby #3 with another father, I’m sure she would have been skewered.
Where do you get that she doesn’t expect the mother to make plans in case the dad drops out of sight? I don’t see anything like that in Diosa’s post.
Sarafeena: But she didn’t say she said that–she told us that, not her son.
How old is this son? I’ve told my son that if he is to become sexually active, he must wear condoms–and not to rely on the girl saying that’s “everything’s covered.” He is 16. Does your mom come to you as an adult and tell you what BC to use? I hope not.
Regardless of what could have happened, what has happened is that this guy has a child by this woman who is now pregnant with someone else’s child–if I’m counting correctly, this is Baby Daddy # 3 for her. Hardly the mark of a stable, responsible mother. I hope that this guy CAN get custody eventually–and that he uses condoms from now on. Hard lesson to learn. I would also try to get the due date of the support changed to fit his schedule better. The haranguing on the phone is her problem. How about a nice, civil but chilly, “I won’t be talked to in such terms. Please use polite language when discussing our child with me.” May stop her cold in her tracks.
True, but if that’s her attitude, I would be surprised if it hadn’t been communicated to him one way or another.
Because the mother knows full well the father doesn’t get paid on the first but demands her “paycheck” on the first and Diosa thinks the father should budget accordingly, yet the mother doesn’t need to budget accordingly, knowing the father doesn’t get paid on the first. If the mother does budget accordingly, why does she start screaming and calling the courts when he doesn’t pay on the 1st?
Does he pay on the 15th? Okay then, nevermind. But I didn’t get that impression from the OP.
I said that?
The mother doesn’t demand that and I don’t expect it, the court does. If he knows full well he can’t fulfill his obligations in a timely manner, he needs to go to the court and get the order adjusted so he doesn’t break the legal obligation he’s agreed to.
How do we know that she’s throwing a tantrum for the money because otherwise she’ll be living in squalor? Maybe she wants the father of her son to uphold the contractual obligations HE AGREED TO.
I full agree that the woman should be financially independent for her child. That said, we have no way of knowing whether or not she is. The fact is, ex mother in laws are far from non biased presenters of facts. Particularly ones who felt their pwecious baby boy didn’t have a real obligation to stick on a condom.
Is child support a paycheck? We get paychecks for having babies now? Well, why the fuck didn’t I just go have a couple already? I hope this was just a faulty metaphor and not actually indicative of your attitude towards what child support is supposed to be.
To the OP: can your son have his wage garnished by the county at a time when he will have money? That takes all the personal confrontation out of it, and the ex-DIL won’t be able to bitch at him for not paying on time. I don’t know if self-employed people can do that.
If she screams bloody murder if she doesn’t get her baby money dot on the first, then yes, she does demand that.
And I think levdrakon has a legitimate point. Sometimes, thru no fault of his own (allegedly) the OP’s son can’t pay his CS on time. So he is expected to budget such that he can pay the CS even if he doesn’t get paid for the work from which he pays his CS. But the baby mommy is not expected to budget such that she can pay her bills even if she doesn’t get paid by the OP’s son.
It seems pretty straightforward to me. Only one side is expected to deal with circumstances beyond his or her control.
Sure it is. He has an excuse for not paying - he doesn’t have the money, and therefore can’t pay.
Regards,
Shodan
Remind me to try that excuse next time my rent is due.
They’re back, you know. Today sponges in a fuschia box at your local Walgreen’s. Packs of three or ten. And as good as ever.
But, Diosa, it’s not realistic to expect him to!
So is it also an “excuse” if the baby mommy can’t pay her rent because the CS check didn’t come?
Because, obviously, she has to pay her bills no matter if she has the money or not.
Regards,
Shodan
But again, we are relying on the third hand account from this woman’s ex mother in law. Do you really think she is going to give a complete picture? Heck, does she even know the full picture? Maybe the daughter in law is screaming at the father because this is the last of a million other things he’s done. Maybe he spent the last hour before that berating her? Maybe she’s just a bitch. We honestly don’t know, but I’d hardly consider an ex mother law a clear source of information since she’s obviously going to be a little biased.
What’s with all the sympathizing with the son not being able to pay on time? Yes, sometimes bills get paid late, yadda yadda… but this is NOT a bill. It’s a court order. It needs to be paid on time, every time, period. If your son (like you’re coming back to this thread) can’t meet his obligations, maybe he could look into getting a second job. And using condoms. If you’re coddling him, and maybe you’re not but it sure as hell sounds like you are, stop it.
And I completely agree with PunditLisa’s advice to establish a relationship with the woman and the child. Christ on a cracker, lady, why on earth would you want to create or be involved in a bunch of dramatical bullshit with your own grandchild? I guess I’m lucky to have had wonderful grandparents who, if one of their children didn’t pay child support on time, would’ve come right over with money, food, whatever their grandchildren needed, no matter what their opinion of the mother was. I have three sons, and if they ever create any babies and them neglect them in any way, it will be ON between he and me, and I will make sure my grandchildren have necessities.
If that’s the case, then tell your son to suck it up and take care of his responsibilities.
No, I was responding to the discussion of a couple days late being not a big deal; this was just supposed to be an example of how big a difference a day or two makes from the other side, the person waiting for the money to come in.
At this point, I would like to say that I have very little sympathy for anyone involved in this ever-increasing mess except the kids. Baby daddy knows when his child support is due; he needs to make arrangements to make sure the money is there on that day. His contracts don’t pay him on time? That’s a problem that needs to get worked out somehow, not made excuses for. Baby mommy needs to be supporting and looking after the kids she already has, and spend less time on making new ones. Possibly consider getting a good husband to be a life partner rather than just the latest sperm donor. Grandma probably needs to butt out except for being a stable grandmotherly influence in her grandkid’s life.