HIs words were that he “confronted” his wife. Even after the fact, he is typing in all caps on a message board. Most people minimize how much they show of their anger level in a situation like this. I am extrapolating.
And yes, I have read the entire thread. It seems that there are all sorts of things bubbling beneath the surface in this relationship. We certainly don’t have all the facts - this is my interpretation, and you can do whatever you want with my opinion. But is nobody willing to acknowledge that if I (and others in this thread) see taking the kids out for dinner as no big deal, and certainly not the equivalent of taking them hostage, that maybe Leaffan’s wife doesn’t believe she is taking them hostage or using them as pawns?
He’s pissed that she grabbed the kids and left. That is why he was typing in all caps. He said nothing about the manner in which he “confronted” her, so nobody has any right to project that kind of behavior onto the situation.
Sure you can. It isn’t reasonable, and adds nothing to the discussion other than a level of dishonesty, but I’m sure you’ll win some admirers with your “It’s a free country” defense.
I know, I know. The Golden Rule doesn’t apply on the internet.
He’s specifically stated that he did not blow up at his wife multiple times in this thread, so unless we’re adding ‘‘liar’’ to our list of insults, this is at least one point that’s settled.
What is the ‘missing link’ here is how mum rounded up and packed the kids into the car. Was it done, erm, discreetly? Was it done after a royal battle of shouting and quarreling? Kids have ears too, and they are not dumb…
Dishonesty? How? All sorts of people are stating their opinions here. Some people agree with me, some people agree with you. I may be wrong in the end, but based on what’s been written here so far, and my comparison of it with my own life experiences, which happen to include growing up in a house with parents who eventually divorced (though I don’t remember them ever having a serious argument in my presence while they were still married), I have an opinion. It happens to be different than yours. What’s the problem?
Obviously, it hasn’t been stated here, and so I have no clue. I’m guessing that if there had been shouting and screaming, the OP would have specifically mentioned it.
As one who has often regretted posting personal/family stuff here, I’ll state the obvious, that it is next to impossible to accurately convey all of the nuances of a relationship situation in a post - especially if you keep it to any reasonable length. Sometimes your phrasing exaggerates some things for the sake of clarity/brevity - other important details may get omitted for the same reasons. And posts can be made at times of stress.
Another thing, anyone posting even the most innocuous thing on these boards has to be prepared for someone to chime in and tell them they are stupid, prejudiced, dangerous, or otherwise a horrible person for some portion of what they posted. Goes with the territory in a community as large as this. You gotta expect and accept that going in. You never can tell - sometimes the criticism may even be right!
Sometimes one or more posters will refuse to be swayed from their interpretation of what you post, and will try to take the discussion in directions other than you intended. I think people tend to oversimplify what are in fact complicated, multifaceted situations/relationships that developed over time. Or they try to shape the discussion towards their pet issues. Again, that largely goes with this medium. You either try to respond, or ignore it.
Mrs. Leaffan mixed old and new vegetables and neglected to replace the toilet paper.
Leaffan confronted her.
She left, with the kids.
*Everything * else is perception and speculation, on **Leaffan’s ** part *and * ours.
I don’t understand why it’s acceptable to ascribe motivations to Mrs. Leaffan, about whom we know nothing other than what **Leaffan ** tells us, but it’s unacceptable to ascribe motivations to Leaffan, who at least gives us his own words to work from.
Perhaps you can show me where I said anything about ascribing motivations to Mrs. Leaffan? While you’re at it, maybe you can show me where I said anything about anyone’s motivations. I have only spoken about false accusations pertaining to Leaffans actions.
Not when he specifically states that he didn’t yell at her about the vegetables and TP. Sorry.
He said that he didn’t fly off the handle, and I am willing to believe that he believes he didn’t fly off the handle. However, interpersonal relationships are all about perceptions - he may believe he didn’t fly off the handle, and his wife may believe otherwise.
I’ve seen plenty of people raise their voices (family members and otherwise) and swear later that they had done no such thing. And yes, most of us do view interpersonal relationships through the lens of our own life experiences. What, you think you don’t?
For the love of LGM-1, would people step back and think about what the devil you’re all arguing about?
Like Dinsdale said, we do not have the whole story. There is room for people to believe that the OP flew off the handle into a frothing rage before his wife left with the kids, and there is room to believe that it was the act of having the kids removed while he was trying to calmly trying to confront his wife about behaviors that frustrate him greatly that drove him to lose his cool here.
NO ONE KNOWS ALL THAT HAPPENED OR MAY HAVE HAPPENED.
Since it hasn’t been linked yet, here’s a post from the OP describing the frustrations he’s been feeling with his wife for the past several years.
It is clear that, based on what’s been reported here, that the current situation is no longer working, and that the OP and his spouse should consider some major changes. But I think anyone arguing that anything else must be going on is reading far more into what we have that is justifiable on any rational basis.
