The Enduring Questions . . .
What does Cecil actually look like?
Why does Collounsbury wish he were a cheesemaker?
What is jarbabyj’s novel about?
Who hacked the message boards?
Where is Polycarp?
Hmm, for Collounsbury, it’s probably because being a cheesemaker is much easier than trying to educate the ignorant on Africa and Arabic culture and history.
Everyone knows that jarbaby’s book is a groundbreaking approach to the understanding of Kantian ethics via the medium of story.
The others? Got me.
This is where Polycarp has been.
Silly… everyone knows it was the evil one-armed pantyhose-wearing purple-headed troll. Sheesh. 
Seriously, I have a theory, but who doesn’t?
I thought Collounsbury wanted to be a cheese maker because they will inherit the earth.
Bunny Girl you mean that Jarbaby’s book is not about how much she lusts after me?!?!
[sniff]
I know. Disappointing, isn’t it. See, IRL, she’s really getting her Doctorate in Philosophy from Harvard and this “flirting Board trollop” guise she’s taken is simply a ruse.
Her novel uses Kant’s 1785 publication, * Fundamental Principals of the Metaphysic of Morals*, as its foundation and develops its chief principals into a modern fairy tale love story. Really, its just part of her obsession with all things German and Kant was just an obvious progression from Rammstein.
The only reason she’s had trouble getting it published is because her major professor feels it would set the world of philosophy on its ear, creating a world-wide firestorm of protest from the academic community and he feels he’s “protecting” her from controversy. In reality, he’s squelching her true creative ability and inhibiting humankind from its next evolutionary step in its spiritual/moral realm.
Shows you can’t judge a jar by her cover, can ya?
But jar told me that her book was on A Critique of Pure Reason!
That bitch.
And don’t forget the hot hot sex.
jarbaby
I Kant.
Bingo.
Do you realize to what extent your questions are interrelated? 
To quote Mony Python…“Blessed are the Cheesemakers!”
That is why Collounsbury wants to be a cheesemaker.
