In celebration of my promotion at work I’ve decided to have a get together with my favorite things. That would be pro wrestling,alcohol, and nudity. I’ve got the big screen tv,five cases of MGDL bottles,3 bottles of Cuervo,5 bottles of Cristal,a bottle of Everclear,a Twister game,baby oil,reddi whip and chocolate syrup.
I was thinking we’d watch wrestling (I’ll explain who is who for the wrestling impaired),drink heavily and see where the night takes us.
Fear not, it is I, Crunchy Frog, superhero to the hedonistic.
Wherever nudity and alcohol is to be found: I’ll be there.
Wherever women voluntarily take off their clothing: I’ll be there.
Wherever the words baby oil, reddi whip, and Twister are used in the same sentence: I’ll be there!
So here I am. Let’s get naked and oil each other up.
Hi Arden. I’m seeing you all over the place tonight it seems.
Hey Crunchy, if hardygrrl decides to call you Matt, just go along with it, ok. Trust me on that one.
Hey hardygrrl, I think I spilled some honey on myself. Can I get some help here.
And you can give me the broncobuster anytime you want.
Hi again Arden. Yes, you do rock.
:becoming quite jaded from attending all the nekkid parties:
:Yawns, examining fingernails thinking “I need a manicure”:
>bored Daria voice: yes baby, yes baby, pour an excessive amount of that chocolate sauce that will probably stain my new Victoria’s Secret panties beyond redemption and whipped cream that contains hundreds of calories that I don’t need and will probably go straight to my thighs on me now,
:yawn, making mental shopping list"let’s see I need milk, cheese, lettuce…:
>Bored Daria voice: oh yes that is just the way your big mama likes it, uh huh do me baby
:hand over mouth stifling a yawn “Jeeez I need a nap”:
:aside to the camera: Come on people, show me something original, daring and exciting. Make me *** feel *** it again.
>Continuing Bored Daria Voice: yes oh yes it is getting good to me now.
Just sex. Pure, filthy, blindfolded-and-handcuffed-to-the-headboard, neighors-pounding-on-the-wall, out-of-breath, sweaty-bodies-slappin’-and-sliding, scare-the-dog, don’t-even-know-your-name sex. You’ll be hoarse from the shrieks. Dehydrated from the sweat. Pulse racing, heart pounding, quivery knees, eyes bugged way out. Then we’ll get serious about it and break some furniture.
Mermaid, I’m really not one to brag about my physical condition or …er, …ahem, … attributes, but honey, you ain’t seen NOTHIN’ yet. My current list of nicknames includes “Big UncleBill”, and “Wild UncleBill”, and those are the ones I can post. For heaven’s sake there may be children and faint hearted folks here. I cannot afford to be haphazard in telling what could happen, I could have a lawsuit on my hands!
Certainly no we wouldn’t want any lawsuits. I’m afraid I must insist on a private inquisition in my sound-proof chambers right over here.
It’s the room with the “Abandon all hope ye who enter here” sign on the door, and a monstrous king-sized uhm “workbench” complete with padded headboard with built-in manacles and 15 drawers stocked with toys, lingerie, more toys, fur-lined cuffs,even more toys, a gross of batteries,a feather duster, whips, chains, leather and lube–you know the necessities. There’s also an oxygen tank and a message board to write on if need be.
Never mind those people over there against the wall. They are my personal assistants in charge of sweat-wiping, dog handling, beverage dispensing etc. They also come in handy for getting to all those hard to reach places.