Some people are like Slinkies – not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.
Did you hear about the explosion at the boarding house? Roomers were flying!
What do you get when you throw a grenade into a kitchen in France? Linoleum Blownapart
Why are fire trucks red?
Because fire trucks have four wheels and 4 x 3 is 12 and there are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Mary was a ruler but Queen Mary was also a ship and ships sail on the seas and seas have fishes and fishes have fins and the Finns fought the Russians and the Russians are red so fire trucks are red because they’re always rushin’.
When words can’t express your feelings, a machete usually can.
Some of my favorite books:
**
Under the bleachers**, by I.P Freely
Pay lower taxes, by Hugh G. Rection
Adult Diapers: An Analysis, by Seymore Butz
The truth about male enhancement, by Harry Sachs
Erotic Shaving: Clean Family Fun, by Ivanna Cheat
Or something like that. 
SSG Schwartz
Sorry to correct you, but Seymore Butz wrote Under the Bleachers. I. P. Freely wrote Yellow River.
I shall also add this classic to** SSG’s** list: Tiger Attack by Claude Balz.
freckafree, wait, listen for it, WOOSH!!! :smack:
Like the tiger book though.
SSG Schwartz
Q: Why don’t blind people skydive?
A: Scares the hell out of their dog.
Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?
It was awful. 4000 soles were lost.
Thou sh lt not steaal!
Set thine house in ordre.
Lest we fo get…
-from The MAD Book of Word Power (1973)
I bet some heel started it.
And a current favorite:
Jesus loves me but he only loves you because he feels sorry for you.
Dja hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil! HAW HAW
Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
Jesus is coming. Quick, everybody look busy!
For all those things you said you’d do when you got around to it.
S^G
Did you hear about the drummer with deja vu?
Word is that there were some serious repercussions.
Jesus loves you, everybody else thinks you’re an asshole.
Don’t worry about what people think of you. They aren’t thinking of you.
It was the one who was even more constipated you have to feel sorry for, though.
He worked it out with logs.