My brother is much younger than I am, and one of his good friends is an RA and student at a nearby college to where I live now. This friend has just contacted me out of the blue to ask if he can crash at our house for a whole month, starting this weekend.
I know this guy somewhat - he seems nice enough, but I have met him literally less than ten times, and he’s stayed overnight at my house (always with my brother along) a few times.
He says he has plans, but he’s worried they might fall through. I don’t want to be a prude, or to be unhelpful, but a month seems like an awful long time, and this weekend seems awfully short notice for your housing plans to completely fall out.
Oh god, no. I mean, what if it was someone you knew well and liked a lot and he was there for a whole month? Your life and routines would still be disrupted and the relationship might be strained after four weeks. Now think of how it would be with someone you don’t even like all that much. I don’t know, man, I think it’s asking for a giant headache.
Unless you’re willing to go all the way to evicting them in order to have them out of your house if they don’t want to leave, don’t let them stay the night.
I said no but I am sort of territorial when it comes to my private/family space. There aren’t too many blood relatives I would let crash on an uncertain future like that.
This is really odd, you say he’s an RA, so not only should he have dorms available, but he would be expected to most usually be in the dorms if he’s not in class. Most every college I’ve ever known anything about starts classes like this week.
You deserve an explanation as to how he can be considered an RA but not have a dorm to live in. But you’d also have to balance your probing with a pre-planned escape route, unless you’re comfortable making a flat out denial because you don’t like/buy his explanation.
Is there an on campus housing shortage? Well you can’t exactly kick the RAs. Was there a disaster like fire or burst pipes? The school would have to make arrangements for him.
From your story, my gut says something happened (like burst pipes) and he doesn’t like the idea of living in the hotel they offered, or rooming with so-and-so or ? The other option is he’s outright lying, maybe got booted, maybe got in trouble, maybe he doesn’t get the dorm for free and is trying to save a buck and gave up on his RA job.
If you live in a nice house and have a lot invested in your residence, I wouldn’t want an acquaintance shacked up there for a night, let alone a month. Now if you too are a poor student and don’t have much in your common areas, can lock your private bedroom and generally party it up and live like a slob, having a guest could be fun, if you like him.
The request is insanely presumptuous especially for somebody who barely qualifies as more than an acquaintance. The answer is hell no or whatever polite derivation of that you want to cook up. That he would even have it in his head that you would allow him to crash for a month because he is a friend of your brother speaks to somebody who has some serious boundary issues.
Our shed needs cleaned out and reorganized. I’d let someone crash with us for a week in exchange for them doing that chore. I’m sure I could come up with more jobs; painting, weeding, etc to round out the month.
Thanks everyone for the reality check. I don’t have the most normal background, and so it’s really hard for me sometimes to tell if something’s socially acceptable and I’m just being prudish or over-private.
I’m glad everyone here has echoed my exact concerns.
I’m gonna tell him that we’re not able to spare the space, and wish him luck finding something else.
And yes, I’m curious as hell about why he’s supposed to have already started his RA job (his college has just started back up for the fall - I went online and checked) and now he is worried that he’ll have nowhere to live for a month? I also wonder why he can’t just go back home to his family like he has done for the past summers.
We (“ours” and “we” in this case being my husband and I) tried to get more details out of him on the phone and by text last night, but he was being very squirrely and evasive. That more than anything else tipped it solidly over into NOPE territory.
Something’s off, and I don’t know what, and I’m not inviting a mess into my house when I don’t know what it is.
Haven’t talked to him about it. He’s even more of a luddite recluse than I am, and doesn’t have a smartphone or text. He also lives pretty far away, and I didn’t get the impression from the friend that he had been really open about his living situation.
Next time I see him in person, I’ll probably ask how it all turned out.
Partly my answer would depend on the layout of the house and how you use it. For example, I have family staying with us right now for an unknown period (probably 3+ months, but ultimately dependent on finding a job first). While not exactly convenient, my wife and I mostly use the lower floor and so the upper bedrooms and bathroom really don’t see much use. There are still some conflicts developing, but I think we’ll manage.
If my layout was different, where they were right there in the midst of my life, I’d reconsider, even for family.
I would do some kind of agreement in writing if I went forward. Make it clear that they’re out on or before a specific date, so there’s no saying “Oh, when I said ‘a month’ I meant the rest of August and all of September.” If they don’t leave as scheduled, this will give you grounds to evict them. Or you could have the agreement make rent due if they want to stay longer. Things like that prevent disputes and give you the legal tools you’d need if there still is a dispute after all.