This place is so full of opinions, I thought I’d collect a few on a recent situation I found myself in.
I’m sitting at the bar in a local restaurant when a beautiful woman who looks to be about my age (26) walks in alone and sits across from me (u-shaped bar). No ring, good news. We exchange glances a few times while eating and end up having a short conversation across the bar trying to figure out why we look familiar to each other, turns out we’ve never met. I invite her to come take the chair next to me and offer to buy her next drink once she finishes her dinner. A few minutes later a group comes in and she knows them and she gets wrapped up in conversations. Meanwhile my buddy is ready to go so we each pay up and head for the door. I walked by her on the way out and she apologizes that she didn’t make it over there yet (10 minutes or so had passed), but she definitely hopes to see me around soon. Not unlikely, its a small town. Since she was in the middle of a group of other people, I offered likewise comments and made my exit.
Now ideally I would have waited a bit longer, we could have chatted, maybe exchanged numbers. But it’s too late for all that. I know from our conversations where she works, but its a title company and I’d never have legitimate business in there, at least not in the near future.
So that’s where I am now. Where I want to be is meeting her for a drink. Any ideas on how to get there from here? I’m just looking for options here, I have a few ideas of my own, but I’m looking for more perspectives.
Oh, and a single, attractive woman without kids over age 25 is a rare find in this small town, so if it seems like I’m thinking too hard about this, try and put yourself in my shoes.
I like it, but I’m in that bar as many saturdays as not and this is the first time I’ve ever seen her there.
What if I wanted to be more proactive? I know her name and where she works, I might even be able to come up with a passable excuse to drop by. Or maybe I should be more direct about it? I’m a big fan of the direct approach in most situations, because I think if there is something I want, there is no sense in being coy about it.
I’m in your shoes so much I owe you rent. I’d say you just found yourself your new local hangout. Next time she comes in, tell her you were glad she came in and ask for her number and tell her you want to go on a date.
Wow, this is a lot easier when I’m giving the advice. Too bad I don’t do it myself and just ask out the women I am interested in!
Creepy or cool, thats what I’m worried about. I’m a big fan of not putting any sort of pressure on someone. I was thinking of writing a short note, something to the effect of “I still owe you a drink, Jeremy (phone number)” or something and dropping it off to her. Which gives her time to contemplate an answer and not feel any obligation to be nice by accepting a date she doesn’t really want to go on. Creepy? Cool?
If/when she shows up again at the bar, tell her you owe her a drink in person. If she or you is on their way out or with friends when you cross paths, write down your number right then and tell her to give you a call. I’d also keep an eye out for the friends she was with. Buy them a drink, bring a little charm and they’ll tell you everything you need to know about her.
I vote direct, but I didn’t get to see the vibes or body language. Some would find it sweet, romantic, or creepy. She’s obviously captured your imagination.
I don’t want to discourage you, but you might at least consider that she may have deliberately allowed herself to get “wrapped up in conversations.” It just seems a little odd to me that after you invited her to join you, she got caught up with her friends and didn’t give you a second look until you approached her again. And the “hey, looking forward to seeing you around,” is a nice way of saying “nice meeting you but I don’t mind leaving it up to chance if we ever see each other again.” Of course I wasn’t there, I don’t know if there were more signals in the mix, and certainly she could be interested, but I would give her lots of room to gracefully say no if that’s the way she’s leaning.